Thinking about "New Year's Resoultions" Differently

Here it is December 30th, 2008. I know that I stand in such a strong safe place for and within myself and there is more potential for me to touch in 2009! How exciting for me!!!

This past month has been nothing short of amazing for me. Through all the weather that we have been experiencing I moved from our rented home to our new home, effortlessly. Five days of moving all our little stuff and then on the fifth day we had movers move our big stuff. Yes we were experiencing extremely cold temperatures, ice condition storms, snow, rain; not to mention a bus strike that has been going on for the past 21 days - with that, apparently 20 % more cars are on the road. It made no difference to me that that was going on. And I must say, I was unstoppable, everything was just fine because I said so. Actually to let you know the truth, metaphorically, it was a time of letting go as well as, being excited about my new life - the new life I am choosing and choose to have!!!

Also, my husband and I drove down to the Niagara Peninsula to spend time with my side of the family and to pick up our son. During that time the weather was either slushy conditions or rain and gusty winds. We were just fine. Actually our drive back on the 26th was clear sailing and we got back to Ottawa in record time for us.

I don't say anymore that "I survived" and now have changed my thinking to "my word is law in my world" - meaning, that with intention, I know that I am safe, because I say so.

Tonight I am sitting in my new home. My husband and son are out and I am "claiming" and "owning" what I have created for myself. Wow, recently a new car that has given me unbelievable mobility to my life. A new home where I have a sense of being home.

Actually for the first time, of any homes I have lived in...in this home, every window in my home has a view of nature and awe. This afternoon reading a book on my bed I looked out the window and to my delight saw a hawk or eagle fly high over the tops of the trees. Tonight looking out my living room window I saw the moon in all its glory.

I almost can't stay put as I am so excited to venture on with what is meaningful to me. I don't have to think of any "resolutions" at this time of year anymore, I just will "live" my truth each moment.

I had a conversation today with a brother that is close to me in age and spirit. The conversation came up about "my diabetes" and I said to him, I no longer have "diabetes". He is elated with joy and shared and knows in his own body that this is possible if we choose. What a wonderful place for him to stand right now, even though he doesn't understand how that is possible for me. What he does understand is that we had a sister that died of cancer and for me to be "free" of my "disease" that means the world to him.

I talked about the "different" ways I am choosing to move through my world. For example, I don't struggle with thinking about exercising anymore. Walking my dog daily for an hour has become something that brings lots of joy to me. In fact, I talked about this is a "priority" to me and I do this no matter what goes on in my day. If that means I do it at 6 o'clock in the morning or 8 o'clock at night and usually the best time for me is during the day, I enjoy the time. And this is MY time!!! Very different then feeling obliged to exercise.

This is the first Christmas that I didn't experience "depression". Wow, how can that be ever since I was a teenager I was always depressed at this time of year.

During the time I was on "insulin" I became interested in food that would benefit and nourish my body and most importantly, the food had to be something I enjoy eating. Totally different then counting calories. I don't worry about "extra" calories in a recipe. And no that if I am satisfied eating whatever, then no extra pounds will go on. Pure and simple thinking. I don't even have the thinking anymore of "denial" - if I feel like it, a coke once in awhile, chocolate bars or whatever I fancy, I eat or drink with no attachment of "guilt". In fact, I was telling my brother that if I choose to go and have a sweet at a coffee shop there are no more guilt feelings in the morning. I have freed myself from that thinking.

Now, what I do pay attention to is when I am thirsty or hungry, I ask myself much different questions.

If you would like to experience a "different" way of thinking about "diets", "weight" or "health" and are exhausted of doing the insanity thing - doing the same things over and over again, and expecting different results. And in the next few days those New Year's Resolutions are expressed only to make you feel like a failure in the next couple of weeks...Don't hesitate to contact me at trust-your-self@rogers.com

Trust yourself

Lots tp look forward to in 2009 and how I am shaping the world!!! Trust yourself...

It is early morning, and the last time that I am in this home, as the movers are moving our big "stuff" this morning to our new home. As I was writing the charge with the word "time" is making sense to me. Don't know why, and I now that it has a "truth" for me.

I'm excited about the potential of my new path. There is a sense, when I am quietly by myself working in the new home, that something new is emerging. I don't know what it is, or how it will expand, yet know that as I am living each moment, the next is just as exciting...

I just sit here in awe!!!

What is going through my mind is, I am living a meaningful life from a life that became so punning not too long ago...then the potential of other women that are up for this kind of transformation is so grand and believable...because I know that it is possible to live differently without the anks I use to have that "waited me down"; other women can too have more in their own lives.

I think about the stage I am at with the move from one house to our new home. My brother in law phoned the other night and he joked about...ah winter storm, bus strike, Christmas, could all be "stress" factors yet he said, "you guys are up for it"...

funny how, in all the confusion of what is happening outside of me, I am calm. In fact I am not even aware concerned about the external stuff...Driving in the snow storm, back and forth to the houses, I am completely calm and enjoying the space, music and the beginnings of something new and potent...

I am going to head back to bed with one more thing I want to share...

My husband and I were taking a break at our new home...we were in the front foyer and I decided to put on a Wax Jacket that I bought years ago in England and could never wear. Well, imagine my delight when I zippered up the coat. This is a amazing metaphor for me...

Lots to look forward to in 2009 of how I am shaping the world!!!

trust yourself

An Intention - My Word is Law in my Universe

I am declaring that the Movers are coming to move us on the 19th of December, 2008. And we have the next two day, the 20th and 21st, December, 2008 to move out of this rented house and move into our new home, effortlessly. Just to make the intention clear and direct. No more "goals" and Yahoo "intentions"!!!

I Know My WORD is LAW in my world!!!

I know my WORD is LAW in my world. A notion that was presented to me during Sheila Winter-Wallace's last "Decloaking and Living Authentically" program. A program that has propelled me further into who I am capable of being and who I am choosing to be "Authentically" beyond culturally conditioned notions of who I thought I was. I am so excited about the potential I see for myself that this is my next focus and that means, I am stepping up to my own life and announcing that I will be engaging in my own programs of "Decloaking and Living Authentically". Stay tune for when they will be running in the program room at the WEL-Systems Institute in Kanata, Ontario. They will be offered shortly in the new year of 2009!

For myself, I want to sit right here and let myself know of how my "WORD is LAW in my world". As I know, there is never content in content. WOW, I am only talking about the other night and this is how fast I have manifested this incredible meaning and joy for me - then that vibrates out into my world. I had written out an intention during Sheila's program a couple of weeks ago. At that time, things seemed impossible for me to sit around my brother's dinner room table Christmas day with my husband, son and extended family enjoying a meaningful, fun and joyous time together.

Since I have manifested a good reliable car in November to drive, that brought on something different for me. That brought expansion in my world, a sense of wanting/desiring to be with my side of my family for Christmas dinner. What my "problem" or "huddle" was to kennel our dog for the Christmas period. Those times are booked well in advance and the kennel said to me that bookings are usually done by Thanksgiving for Christmas.

So I put out this "huge" intention and wrote it down, read it to a few people that I share huge meaning and joy of life with them.

Fast forward...The other day I was thinking to myself that since I hadn't heard from the kennel, and I did try other kennels in the Ottawa area, that I would stay here in Ottawa. My husband would then drive down to the Niagara Peninsula to pick up my son and then for them to drive back before Christmas. My son wants to work as many hours at the grocery store he is working at to make some much needed money for himself.

I must add, my sister-in-law suggested that she would look for a kennel in the Hamilton area. I replied back, and at the first of the email I said. "great suggestion" and by the time I was finished writing I said, "no". (My word is law in my world)

Well, that night I got a phone call from the owner of the Kennel. He said he had space in the kennel for Rugby. I proclaimed to him that this was an amazing gift for me to receive and that it allows me to be with my family for Christmas day dinner. Now, I do want to let you know that I am experiencing this time of the year differently. The last two years I have chosen to "just be away" because I no longer could do the same old habitual beat me up, feel depressed, take a deep breathe the 1st of December and the next breathe on Jan 2nd...I am totally re creating my own experience, a whole new way, on how i want/desire to CELEBRATE, for it to be meaningful to me! How cool is that?

Two years ago it was useful for me to completely disengage with my family. I no longer could even entertain that pattern. I choice to create a new reality. How do I make it meaningful, joyous, fun for me. I am so looking forward to the "meaningful" time with whoever shows up on the 25th of December, 2008!!!

Okay, now I have this move and many things to do before it all happens, to spend time where I want to. You know what, it was like dominoes, ever thing else unfolded quickly and exactly how I intended it to. My builder has us moving in on the 18th of December and this move will be effortless, the lawyer is ready for us on the 18th and that is effortless, the movers will be coming in at 8:30 to move our big stuff and that is effortless, we will have those next two days to move our small stuff and china and that is effortless and meaningful to say goodbye to our neighbours. The house inspection of this rented home is on Monday, 22, morning at 10:00, effortless. Rugby will be in the kennel from the 18th to the 27th. Yahoo, he gets to "play" with his "friends" during "playtime" - a place that he "good tired" himself out. Our drive down on the 23rd on December, 2008, to the Niagara Peninsula is glorious sunny day with no snow or freezing rain and is a safe trip for my husband and I. In the Niagara Peninsula, my husband, son and myself will see people that we find meaning for ourselves and each of us will experience so much fun and joy for ourselves.
The drive back on the 26th of December 2008 is a glorious sunny day with no snow or freezing rain. A trip that we will all enjoy safely. (My word is law in my world)

Last night I went to Cotton Ginny's to buy some much needed pants. I have lost 5 lbs in the last two days. How did that happen? LOL What was amazing to me and almost unbelievable to me, is how I allowed and gave permission to myself for a sales person to help me find my "right" size in pants You know sometimes my mind can tell me one thing, and my body intelligence always tells me the truth. So, the long and short of what happened last night was nothing short of a miracle. I am now wearing size 15 jeans!!!! This summer I bought size 18...
Funny how, if that women did not help me find the right size of pants for me, I would of walked out of that store, which I had this fall and been "stuck" wearing my same 'Baggey" jeans.
I do stand tall on my own, yet, I don't have to do this alone!!!

So I am going to get ready as I am heading for a pedicure this morning. Yahoo, I am wearing size 15 jeans!!

Trust yourself ...keep breathing on the exhale

Do I Give MySElf Permission to "CELEBRATE" for mySElf?

Yesterday I had an experience that indicated to me that I no longer can "hold back" what I will share with my world. I have way too much to share that has made a difference to my own life ...I had a conversation with a man that tends to be "sure" of himself yet as we proceeded his "assertive" tone in his voice became more "calm", "quiet", and listening to every word that I had to say. I was just talking and he was opening to new thought. The new thought was welcoming to him and he no longer wants to "do" what well meaning people offer him...you know, doing that insanity thing...to do the same things over and over again, and expecting different results.

It was a telephone conversation, and it was powerful to me. Powerful because I don't have to do anything yet talk and "be" the "real" me. He was so ready to hear something different because what he has endlessly try ed to do to change his life, isn't working. He is actually finding himself climbing that mountain harder and faster. I don't believe that he is the only one out there experiencing this. I believe many are out there and just don't know how to move in their world differently. I believe I have that to offer - a different way that is welcoming!!!

Sometimes I wonder if we "claim" the small things of our everyday life...what I mean by this is do I "claim" a celebration of achievement. Oh yes, I am quick to "celebrate" someone else's achievement, and do I become aware for myself to "celebrate" for myself?

The other morning I was wrapping my mother-in-law's Christmas gift. I really had a hard time with taping, having the gift box wrapped attractively with the Christmas paper, thinking to myself...when the gift is being opened does it "look" like it was meaningful to give and not wrapped just to wrap...right now my eyes are becoming irritated...

I must say that I am wondering, and this is only another layer presenting itself to me...how much do I "celebrate" for myself. This is not about judgment...nor is it positioned as good, bad, right or wrong...I wonder in the moment...right in the here and now, do I give myself permission to celebrate for mySelf?

Do I celebrate for mySelf? Now the questions I am going to be curious for mySelf over the next couple of weeks are.. what choices do I make for mySelf that take me away from my own celebration or towards a celebration for mySelf? Do I keep the dreams I have in my head and never act on them? Do I dare what I believe is "outrageous" and share with other people my hopes and dreams of what I want to do, do? Do I dare be bold and do it JUST FOR ME and invite who I want to invite and know it will be wonderful for me, and whoever comes, comes? What choices will I make that will expand my world or choices that I will make that will keep me in that "insanity" spiral? How important is it for me to "celebrate" what I want/need/desire to celebrate? In other words, do I step up and declare what I want/desire to celebrate for mySElf? Do I allow outside stuff to stop me from "celebrating" and owning what is important to me? My birthday is two days after Christmas. What I am aware of right now is how my mother noticed this to be something she needed to honor - and in my teens I always "celebrated" my bd on the half year. Somehow I "painfully" and something I choose that I made/make, and avoid anything that my husband and son do for me to "celebrate" my birthday. Wow, that is the truth, and something that is hard for me to admit. I am getting better of "receiving" from them yet it is something I am "challenged" of giving myself permission to "celebrate" for mySElf.

I have a lot to celebrate for mySelf. I have just received my CODE Model certification that has incredible meaning for me. How many people do I "celebrate" this with (lavish in the joy) and how many times to I just keep this to mySElf. So what is coming up for me is "am I claiming that this is an amazing journey that I have taken, and do I "own" it?
I just bought a new car. Am I "claiming" or "owning" this at a much higher level. This is expanding my world to move "freely" and with more "mobility"...am I speaking up and out...funny how, anytime someone has something that is exciting to share, it is always exciting for me, for them to share...hmm, I am curious why I don't "just take" a moment of sharing?

My new house is ready next week on the 18th...it is exciting for me...how much have I "just take" and share with people how meaningful and exciting it is for me!!!!

Lots of "new" is happening in my life right now...it is "YaHoo" to me and do I dare to share my excitment? and do I dare to "celebrate" for mySelf and with other's that I choice to share with? Which choice/s to "just take" and "Claim" this excitment for mySElf and to share with other's of my choice, to 'celebrate' what is important/meningful to me? .. hmm, do I stay stuck and not "Claim" this celebration/s for mySelf?

Breathing, and just paying attention to my breathe right now is good...

Trust yourSelf...

Wow More Awareness...even how "outrageous" my thinking seemed, I stayed with the intensity of my body response..

This week has been "interesting". Oh yeah huge "chaos" in my world, and that is fine, and this week, I have been choosing each moment a wee bit different again. I could choose to "agree to disagree" and "control" my environment which typically meant for me to "lock down" what needed to be metabolized (just as you metabolize an apple, so too, we metabolize this information moving/or choose stopping the movement, or choose to go into the moment to see what "intelligence" there is for me to discover more of mySelf...

Oh man this is too funny for me...I always believed that when I was "right", I was "right" and that was "it". And nor am I saying to go mushy and collapse on myself/yourself. I am saying that I don't have to even live in the world of being "right" or "wrong" or "good" or "bad" anymore. I just live in this moment. I just pay attention to, is my body giving me an indication/signal/response that wants to process information or is "nothing" moving (I believe each moment information is in flow and we do choose to resist) and in the "nothingness" those are times I am "calm", "connected to Self", "just loving who I am". And too, the times of chaos, or revved up moments are meaningful to me as well, because that is when I have experienced transformation at quantum leaps. Those too, as I am writing are times I am connected to Self. These days, not judging my "imperfections" or chaining myself to the "idiosyncrasies" I have. Knowing that that is part of me too. Sometimes when I move away from an experience of "outrageous" or what I conceive or even am labelling "outrageous" it brings me into a new understanding of myself.

Two weeks ago I had a huge response in the body and my intelligent was saying, "how outrageous". I didn't know what it was all about yet I stayed with my body response. I even said to my husband that my behavior was outrageous to me, what was coming out of my mouth saying it to another person. As time past, it was meaningful for me to know that "even though it was outrageous what I was saying" I was not giving myself away, nor being loyal in spite of myself, yet staying with the truth in my own body - even though I didn't know what that was at the time...if I succumb to the offer, and it was a "being a nice girl" because they wanted to "save" for themselves. I wasn't gaining anything other then "chaos" and "I must be out of this rented home by this date"...what it would of meant is for me to live on some one's else schedule - as we move out of this rented house into our new house. WOW! That is truly profound for me. To not ebb and flow to my own matters yet to chop off one more part of me to accommodate someone else's wishes/desires.

And this is the hardest part for me to admit. My husband and I had many conversations that we need "space" to go to the lawyer's one day, to have the mover's come to move the big pieces of furniture another day, and for us to move the smaller stuff on 'slow time'. And why did I ever even create the opportunity for someone else to believe that they can come into my "space" for their benefit. Man, we have so much to do for our own move and accomodating someone else's wants.

My body is screaming right now...STOP! For me to stop allowing other's to take away what I just want to take for myself!!!!

I don't know if I am making any sense right now, and know that that last sentence is making sooo much sense to me in my body...

I do believe that being "nice" is far more wired into my body from culturally conditioning then I ever believe it was. And "it" even though how outrageous it seemed for me to behave like that, I was choosing for "it" to not run that same 'strategy" or "program" another time. No more, that strange is DONE.

Don't get me wrong, I am a very nice person, that is not what I am talking about. What I am talking about is being "nice" inspite of myself, being okay with "overextending of myself" because I am "nice"...being "nice" to accommodate someone else's schedule...

Wow, I am unsettled right now...and I am going to let this one "rumble" around in me, and see where it goes...

I am hearing echos of, "get your own buffet, and stop feeding off of mine!!!"

trust-your-self