Not That Anymore (Weight/Wait)

Here I am on someone else's computer to sign in...something has come into my awareness,
the password I have been signing in since I have been blogging on this site, does not serve me anymore...WOW!!!! Who I have thought I was has done a FLIP...my world has become so much bigger and it was all about CLAIMING back something that was not making sense to me, yet so outside of myself, sooo obvious to my outside world...weight...hmmm yes, there is a connection to wait for me....weight/wait

My weight has not been talked or even a concern by me for over five years...i just surrendered to the weight and let myself move without judgement to myself about my size - throughout these past five years I have moved my body and felt great about that. There was something inside of me that just knew that it was different then thinking about good nutrition, walking, moving my body, taking care of myself, going to massage, laughing, oh, man just the list goes on...I was doing all those great things that made a huge difference to my well-being and especially in this last year...AND I WAS STILL at a increased weight that was WAITING me down.....what has come into my awareness a very different through, from the flip side looking down - I know I am BLAA, BLAA, BLAA, GREAT and I just couldn't understand the incredible changes I have gone through of taking care of myself - the weight should melt off of me....Right!!!! Make's too much sense and it wasn't happening????

Well, this past week, at Oceanstone, engaged in the "Entrepreneurial" a Wel-systems program, investing in myself, it gave me time to STOP and find some clarity of the WHY Weight/WHY Wait...I am very clear that I stand at choice looking up into my future, and whatever has come from my past I choose differently (not that insane way from my past, that I habitually was always choosing because I didn't know any different) - INSANITY - DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN, AND EXPECTING Different RESULTS??!!...and it is very clear to me that if there is something that is so hidden yet so profound in my life I pay attention - there really is nothing "free" in life - PAY Attention...

What I discovered for myself, was a very simple yet profound, life changing 'whatever'....that i am aware of now...I am from a family of many, that is not as important as, I moved thru the world with 12 other children in my childhood. I remember clearly when I was sixteen and we were all going out for a picnic/swim day trip. We had a station wagon and a car. Our cars were okay, and not always dependable. My mom and dad and other's left the driveway in the station wagon to head for the outing and I was the driver of the other vehicle, the car, with some of my younger siblings. All I wanted was the other vehicle to stay in the driveway until I had the car running and from there I would be okay. Yet the panic was looking in my rear view mirror and seeing my dad driving down the street....all I wanted was for someone to "WAIT" a second, just a second, for me to start the car.

Lots is moving in me right now and I know I need to be easy on myself..I get so PISSED off when someone is showing me something, that I know able to operate, and i allow myself to get talked down too. (WOW, I will pay attention to that, believing now that i live in a holographic universe - I created that) This is not bad or good, positive or negative - this is something that I am going to just relax into and allowing myself some "SLACK" and not beat myself up. Does my inside world reflect my outside world? Over the course of the next few weeks, I am excited to discover the ME that I have hidin' for years, there is more, and I am up for it!!!