How is it that I no longer have "Diabetes"?

Well, my life is moving so fast right now - gathering many tidbits of information, that I am writing down, because I don't have a clue how they are ever going to piece together, yet, I know that they will.

These past few days, having my brother-in-law in my home, as a guest, has been a huge invitation for me to reflect on how amazing and bigger my life has become over this past year!

He is my husband's younger brother and has observed my life over these past 25 years.
No, there is no judgement or analyzing yet he is just ELATED for me!

He told me that he has never seen me as happy as I am right now. (yes, i do believe I have had times that I was happy over these past 25 years) and he is just in awe that I no longer have 'diabetes' in my life, among other 'illness' that I had developed over the years. In fact, he is a saleperson that sells books and was talking to a client yesterday about me. She felt that people in her area (just outside of Ottawa) are not as quick to buy 'spiritual' books because they are probably more adapt to finding answers for themselves within their collective, and he told her, no what my sister-in-law went through in her life is very different then "white light and forgiveness". Of course, he couldn't explain it to her but he knew that I am very different in my being now.

I believe that "white light and forgiveness" was not working for me - trust me, I tried all my life that way of looking at things, and lately, especially in these past few years, I was finding myself more and more 'angry' that went inward, and absolutely was creating "craziness" for myself - and I found myself, quite surprized, because how can it happen to me, with "diabetes"?

'Diabetes' always seemed contridictory to what and whom I am. Although 'Diabetes' was great at first for me, because people actually payed attention to my concerns - ('cause man, i at that point in my life sure couldn't do it for myself) Yes, they would tell me when to eat, what to drink, in other words, I was down to just drinking water, and herbal tea, NO MORE! The timing of my meals, was I exercising (big belief in that world that we all have been bellies). You have to have a big bellie to belong to that club!!! HA! HA! Oh, man I am just finding that funny and how I bought into that notion. All that 'concern' was getting on my nerves and it became something in my life that was just taking the 'joy' out of my life. Somehow I believed how can I live any longer with something that had so many rules, structure, and everyone was paying attention to me even though it was in a 'negative' way (I was becoming more pissed off and a big
f___ you!). Now, I am understanding that I never allowed that "fire breathe" to move in my body - the breathe that propells you foward. I am going to the gym now with a different view - talking with my chiropractor yesterday, I talked with him about 'intensity' in my work-out. I have never understood people that talk about a natural 'high' when they have a work-out...in fact, maybe thought that they were 'addicted' to jogging or whatever the exercise was... nowI am up for it!

Because i never allowed myself to stand tall in whom i am, identified myself ONLY through being a mother, a wife and never WHO I WAS as the whole ME. I find it interesting now as how I never saw myself as a teacher - I have the two degrees, and what is important for me now, is to claim for myself, that i had invested 7 years in university for the growth of ME!

This blog feels like I am only have tidbits to put onto this computer screen. I know it makes sense in my body and that is all that matters.

Switching thought, today I wrote down the things that I want to do, not what I have to do, and funny it is all the stuff that moves me into my future!

Just checking in, where is my breathe right now? Am I allowing my attention to be at the base of my spine? When I'm outside today I am allowing myself to take in deep breathes - oh, how exciting that spring (even though we have a lot of snow here in Ottawa) is in the air!