Monday, March 31, 2008

When do I say "Yes" when my body is screaming "NO"

Well I have been away from blogging for awhile, don't know why, and I don't need to even use my logic to ask why, it is just so.

So much is happening to me in my life. My life has done a quantum leap and it has moved with that momentum since the EF:EW (www.WEL-Systems.com) at Oceanstone near Peggy's Cove, Nova Scotia just over a month ago - is it possible just a month? and yet it feels like a long time ago...

My husband and I have been going to ballroom dancing these past months and it wasn't fun for us. Before I would "stick it out" until the end of the course. We looked at each other last week and said, "are you having fun" and "are you having fun" and the answer was "no". I am not finishing the ballroom dancing course. Period.

I heard myself talk to someone on Friday...the conversation at one point went like this...where in my life do I say "Yes" and mean "Yes"; where in my life do I say "No" and mean "No; Where in my like do I say "No" and mean "Yes" and it took a minute for me to get this one out...where in my life do I say "Yes" and mean "No".

Yes, I believe I am hugely different then I was a year ago, even a month ago, even last Friday, my life is not only back to a joyful life, I am living FULLY now! Everything, my zest for life, chaotic grounded wonderment, and the don't "fuck" with me stuff - that last statement may sound abrupt with profanity yet ... (and I am sure the first awareness for me in my body, and then I become more certain on how to speak my "ENTIRE" truth) All this is encompassing for me, and makes me WHOLE... I am no longer that pale looking human being that only believed that by being "kind", "nurturer", "understanding", "loving" and the list goes on, that I was taught in my family, school systems, work place etc believeing that that would bring fulfillment - no, that way was only making me sicker....

I am coming into an awareness that before I was "asleep" to. Listening to the new CD's Leadership Redefined ~ Reclaimed an Emerging Futures conversation (you can find them at www.WEL-Systems.com go to "store" to invest in yourself), I am finding myself, even though I am up for huge intensity, the convesations to be potent!!! Yes, so powerful and having great influence on me!! I can either choose to sit back and let my life run its course or step up to my own life...no, this is not about saving the world, this is about finding meaningfulness in MY own life that I can "jumped" out of bed each morning and ask myself, "how do I choose to live today?"

It is only through letting the impluses in my body to move, moment to moment, that my life becomes bigger...

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