Here I am experiencing many new things that fulfill me. People are clear that they "know" a difference in me. It is not even a "see a difference in me". It is a "they know a difference in me." The comment by someone this morning is that they see "joy" in my eyes; and he commented that was not there a year ago.
What I know true for myself is that I am "joyful" to be living in my skin. That had not been the case and I can say, "all my life".
Funny how I no longer look for a outward "praise" yet an inward marvel of "wow it's great to be me" experience/journey.
What is coming up strong for me is that word, "perfectionist". Why did I have to have such a control on my life that I needed to be "perfect" at everything. What was I protecting myself from if I had to be such a "perfectionist"? What was I stopping myself from doing/being?
It is making me feel sick writing down these words.
How many opportunities did I not want for myself because I wouldn't give myself permission to not get it the first time. How many experiences have I had in my life where I beat myself up because i didn't get it the first time. How many times would I judge myself and take away from the "whole" of me - to find less of myself.
Man, why couldn't I make it a lighter load for myself. I do love to laugh?
I no longer "control" my life.
What I do know, is, that I speak and voice what is true to me each moment. I may not always like the outcome yet I am starting to "appreciate" that when I listen to mySELF, it always takes me forward to where I want to go. No, I am not talking about anything "airy fairy" but the truth of me, and who I am potentially becoming expanding into the direction of a more meaningful manifesting for mySELF. I don't know if I am clear in writing yet this is vibrating hugely in my body.
So, when I want to do something and believe it is the best possible choice, And then I am taken to another path, I just trust, even though there is a lot of confusion...i stay present to mySELF.
These days I am experiencing a lot of "itching", "redness on the skin", and "sleepless nights"...not always easy and in my new world that I move in...makes sense and this is the "fire energy" that is propelling me into my emerging future!
trust yourself
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2 comments:
interesting...I have had hives for the last 3 weeks or so. Covered in them now actually and just painted them! I am not certain how to reframe them to something that serves me other then is my body rewiring as I allow my godforce to emerge in my daily life. Maybe I need to relax more into myself and allow more space for this. Knowing I am perfect already...its just a matter of allowing it to come out. I get caught up in "oh I wish I didn't feel scared to do this"..... when I should be thinking.....ahh this is great....now lets see what else I can unfold!
Interesting that you are talking about "allowing my godforce to emerge in my daily life" - this also speaks to me, as I am clear, direct and have a knowing in my body that I am much more than what I have taught to believe I am - Thanks for being interactive I am grateful as it allows me to expand more into who I am. I invite and welcome others that are reading this blog to leave "comment" of what is coming up for them. Talk soon...
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