Another "Birth": How I Just Keep Getting Stronger!!!

As I run up and down my stairs in my new home...i run pass a huge pot, carried by a wooden frame with wheels...I pondered today, and stopped...to look at the planter and knew how it has played out many times... how I choose/choosing to live my life, from the time i lived in the maritime to the east end of Ottawa, to now, where I live, in Orleans, Each place I lived/live was a metaphor for how I was living my life, and how in this moment, the roots are so strong, and producing new leaves...

I just happen to have a "green thumb" and it was when I lived in the Maritimes that I bought this plant for $1.50. It must be at least 5 years ago that I bought this plant. I was a teacher in Nova Scotia happily facilitating, on the math assessment team, students at the grade three and nine level.

My plant grew and grew and grew. So big that I finally transplanted to this huge planter. I loved many things in my life then, and I didn't love who I was. Two and half years ago, in the extreme heat of the summer...I wasn't go to let go of this plant. So I ask the movers if they would take the plant. They agreed and said your move will take 8 days, and we can't guarantee anything.

Well, when it was delivered to us, in Ottawa, it was "heat stroke" meaning the leaves were falling off, leaves shriveled up, and not much left - which most people would of thrown the plant away and started all over again. NOT ME!!!

I cut down the plant to allow it to have more energy at is roots. I watered the plant daily for awhile, and yes, I do talk to my plants! Hmm, maybe that helped too! LOL

The plant took awhile, and maybe even a half year, to come back - and again, I enjoyed this beautiful plant with lots of green foliage, for another year and half, until our next move.

Then in the middle of December, 2008, and one of the coldest days of the year,. we moved here to Orleans. The movers told us that they would not move the plant. So we wrapped the plant up, and put it on the back of the truck...I knew that it would be okay, and my husband was doubtful.

It is a huge metaphor for me right now, as I run up and down my stairs...I clipped off the branches at the beginning of January. For me, there was nothing to lose. When i walk in the front door I look up at the next level and see this planter with 6 thick branches sticky out. I have placed this plant in full view of everyone to see, either coming in the front door, coming down the stairs or coming up from downstairs...I am joyful that now, there are many "little" green leaves popping up, on the six branches...imagine, that new growth just happened in 6 wks!

I am pleased to say, that this is another "birth" for me, that is so strong at the roots, that is quickly producing lots of new growth. The metaphor's are abundant for me to catch...and imagine, I was going to throw this away at one point in it's moves. This is all about me, how not to "give up" on myself, I am only getting stronger, I too, am having lots of (little) fast growth happening!!!

I smile each time I pass the plant!!!

Huge sigh!

Trust yourself

How do you RE-Claim the Life You Want to CHOSE?

Right now, I STOP what I am doing and...

I could easily choose to take a nap right now...and I believe I would just "give into" something that I don't want anymore in my life...right now..I choose to blog...

Life has been moving fast for me these past months...I am welcoming that excitement and something happen yesterday that has "shaken" me...

I heard, a person in my life, his sister died last week at the age of 28, from "lymphoma".

What has "shaken" me is that I am clear, and get clearer, that this is happening far to often, and yes, at alarming younger and younger ages.

I believe many people are looking for something more in their lives, yet, don't know even where to look. Yes, I talk to many that know my own life is different, want to engage with me, and then walk away, only to go back into their lives, that they told me, were not working. I don't have any judgment on that.

Something else for me that I am getting curious about, is, how does anyone know there is something different? In other words, "if you don't know something, how do you find out, if it is not even in your awareness"?

Okay, if you have never even been shown or experienced something different, I am not saying throw the baby out with the bath water, yet, how do you even know there is something out there, that will expand your life, not make it smaller?

That "Something" i talk about, in my experience, has made a huge difference to myself along with thousands of people, to re-claim the life of their choice? A life that they express "Joy" with and of wanting to get up early Monday morning to head back to work! Imagine that, jump out of bed, ready for a week of work!

I am no longer allowing myself to be silent. I am no longer going to NOT speak up about my truth. Yes, knowing that I am not responsible for people's journey, yet my responsibility is to speak up and share with other's about my own journey back to health, and now a FUN life. I am no longer going to be silenced because I was waiting for someone else to go before me. I am no longer going to be "nice" because I don't know anything but... I am no longer going to believe that I don't have something "potent" to share, that changes people's lives, if they choose.

This Sunday I am engaging in another W.O.I. - A Conversation with Marie. These "free" conversations are not a "marketing plan" of how to create business for myself. These conversations are for me, to stay more alive!

For me to nourish my own soul, to stay in the tough conversations and welcoming conversations that always allow me to engage in the "more" of what I am becoming...

I know this is not why I have blogged...and, if this is something you want to engage in, fire me an email at trust-your-self@rogers.com to confirm a seat for this Sunday at the WEL-Systems Institute. Many of you have commented that you do read my blogs and never leave a comment. I would love to hear from you by email.

trust yourself!

"Humor"... "Stinkin' Thinkin'"... "Lighten Up"...

Humor, do I have some? When don't I have some? Do I even notice that I don't have some? Or do I notice I don't have some and notice that it might be a good thing to have...oh man, I usually ride the wave of my life with humor, and am I right now?

The definition of "humor" is a state of mind, mood, inclination, good will temper, ...hmm, it is also saying "one of 4 fluids of the body (blood, phlegm, choler, melancholy)"

Now the last part of that definition is making some sense in the "intelligence of my body"...that "humor" is a "code" word, meaning, I can't put "humor" in the truck of a car...so it is something that moves through the body...hmm...

Humor can mean many things to me. Humor can mean an exchange between me and another person or people, that at that moment, my body is experiencing lots of flow, and in that moment an expression of "fun" "excitement" "joy" permeates and everyone "breaks out into laughter".

Or, recently an example that I realized I was experiencing "no humor" at the time, a email came, and I realized in that moment how "ridiculous" I was thinking in my own world...yes, I was allowing myself to have that "stinkin' thinkin'" and what someone said in the email, I realized the "humor" for myself, and a huge surge of "humor" filled my body, allowing flow throughout my body, and I sat at the computer and laughed for quite sometime, allowing it to just flow...

Humor in my world is not about "making fun of...in spite of someone" nor is it, "humorous because it is an easy way to bring down a "heated" situation" they were strategies I used in my past to feel "more of myself" because in those days, I didn't know who I was, and so I was external in my thinking...humor, in my world is the experience I have purely and simply the "flowing" through my body because it makes sense in my body to do so...now, I am sure I have lost you...or have I?

Another connection of thought I been having this week is..."lighten up". How do I "lighten up" when I am in a state of flow, and I am going to say, "stinkin' thinkin'" flow?

This is good, because as I write this, this is not always easy for me, when I am in this state...yet what I realize right now, is, one is of the intelligence of the body "lighten up", and the other thought is of the intelligence of the brain, "stinkin' thinkin'".

I am going to go into that "sinkin' thinkin'"....why can I not allow myself to move this "information" in my body? After all, it is just information wanting to move? I have given it a label and put myself into a small box, isolated myself for a few days, and felt alone. There is intelligence in that behavior for me.

Man, I am way beyond that, yet, in this moment, thinking of this differently. Or, have I allowed it to flow, and not relaxing into the full measure of what it has to offer me?

Either way, and including other possiblities A,B,C,X and Y, it is ALL just information wanting to move. Yes, in my world another layer wanting to reveling itself, for me to know more about the real "ME' and not about the culturally conditioned me.

Now, that I have allowed that "sinkin' thinkin'" to move this week, I am much clearer this morning. I don't really know what it is all about....and if I don't, I not going to spend time figuring it out in my head. It just "is" and now I move on.

So today, and all this week, I continued to PAUSE...and then in that moment, choose something that "lighten" me...something that "interest me" to do...and I walked away from some things that were having to be done, as I felt a "heaviness" and then I found myself coming back to them when I was "lighter".

I am finding it interesting that "flow" is in my awareness...I know creating and holding, Space... giving permission for my clients to allow and invite Movement and Flow is very scared to me...and now, it is what I do best, that allows my clients to get results for themselves.

Am I any different at the end of this blog? I don't know? Yet, what I do know is more awareness of when I experience "heavy" and when i am "light"...I wonder if there is a correlation with me, about my body size? It doesn't matter to me what size I have been or am - what I do notice is not the number on the scale yet how I am experiencing "heavy" and how I am experiencing "light"...

I am going to stop there as this is turning into a new blog and I have lots to do today ---checking in with myself...in a much "lighter" ME!!!!

Fire - Am I Okay WITH THE Huge Intensity I HAVE?

These past months I have been experiencing thirst, hunger, right shoulder pain and back pain. Something last night and this morning has brought awareness...I don't know why, and I don't how, and I don't know what...

I am going to "rumble" (thanks Sandy) because I do believe it comes from the deepest core of me. I know that I stand right here right now, and look out into my future. I am grateful for my past to present to me, swirls around to me in my front, my awareness, and then at choice point, I either metabolize the information for me to know more about mySELF, or I choice not to metabolize information. Life for me is as simple as that.

Now, what I haven't been not paying attention to is this huge thirst I have. Not as much hunger but thirst. I seem to be out and can't wait until I am at the next stop to drink water...Cold water seems to quench the thirst.

Now the big awareness I did get in these past 24 hours is that I am damping my huge fire I have going through my body. No, I not there anymore of not allowing fire to go through me. I am becoming aware that I am choosing not to let this ignite to its fullest potential. Am I scared of the hugeness of it?

Something that is really coming up for me is that, how do I know, if I have never experienced this?

For my shoulder to have lots of pain, and I must say that has been going on for over a month - and on the right side...what is it? what belief/s, value/s, or attitude/s that I am holding onto?, that I am even unaware of...and do I need to know?, and just be okay with allowing these to move right now as I am blogging.

Maybe this is all it is, just be aware of asking myself when I am "thirsty" for that next glass of cold water...ask myself, isn't that interesting... do I want that glass of water, or, do I want something else that I am not paying attention to?

It never is a struggle for me, and only if I make it a struggle!

Trust-your-self!

Owning It All, Beyond The Intelligence of the Brain

Here I am. Here I am in this beautiful space that I have created. Here I am in this "home" that I am happy and joyful, glancing out each and every window...and in awe of the views I have.

Each window offers me something different, one window looks over the ravine, this morning, I looked down at the footprints in the snow of some welcomed animal. Another view of looking high into the sky and watching the clouds move to all it's glory. I am fascinated by watching the stars, and some evenings knowing they are still there, yet, clouded over. And watching the moon as it changes night after night as I ponder in awe.

This is the sunniest house I have ever lived in streaming gorgeous bright light into every window. Another view of overlooking the crescent, a view that reminds me of the different times I lived and traveled in Great Britain. The rolling hills, the marshland and the Ottawa River that I have a sense that I belong, yet I have lots of space for myself to be "free".

I pause...this is a metaphor for how I choose to live my life! I am excited! My son shared with me he wrote in a card a year ago, "May you continue to chase your dreams, and get er done". I must say now I understand that for me, I am experiencing my dreams, that I have dreamed all my life, and now I am choosing me which I haven't done most of my life, and making a difference in other people's lives.

Wondering in and out of many thoughts...And a view of looking within the crescent I live on, connecting with the people that are around me, knowing that they too are in awe of the place they have chosen to call "home". This is the beginning of relaxing into...a life that I have chosen!!!

I have created all of this, owning this...I have chosen ME!

To be in front of this computer, writing, and feeling the light flash in my body knowing that I have created something wonderful for myself, my husband and for my son to visit and be part of.
How cool is that for me?

How excited I am, and funny how I am letting go of "being okay that I don't have words" for the intensity I am experiencing in my body right now. After all, I was told recently that I am the "Queen" of allowing myself to rumble, allowing the full "wave" in my body to move in the presence of many, and just "letting go" relaxing into the intelligence that my body has to offer me. It is that simple, if we didn't know anything else, and only knew to breathe - and get out of the way of our brain intelligence. Life would be effortless for all of us - and cooler stuff we could engage in!

Yesterday I spent the day arranging my office. I paused for quite a while and looked at...I have never allowed myself to honor and claim the successes that I have joyfully experienced (no, it was not always easy for me, yet, right now, I share with you, what is so meaningful for me to share in this moment...TA DA!!!

I look first at the "success" and the process that allowed me to grow into who I am today, and who I am becoming - the REAL ME and not the Culturally Conditioned me:

As I open up this beautiful blue envelope I witness my own evolution and growth I have experienced these past two years:

The first certificate states that I have completed 120 hours of WEL-Systems study and experience as a WEL-Systems Facilitator, the certificate delivered to me on April 20, 2007.

The second certificate acknowledges that I have completed requirements exceeding 150 hours of WEL-Systems study and experience as a Quantum TLC(TM) Facilitator granted on July 13, 2007.

The third award for me acknowledges that I have completed requirements exceeding 120 hours of WEL-Systems study and experience as a WEL-Systems Master Facilitator granted on July 22, 2007

What comes out of my mouth right now, is that then I got my life back and Let Go...

How I am claiming this for myself, is to frame each of these, and put them up on my wall in this office for me to see. And of course, I can change when it pulls me, to put up on a wall for other's to see. I know I come from a early family system that "education" "awards" "successes" were valued yet we must never ("boost") speak up about successes.

Now, this next sucess I want to speak up and out, and own, is very powerful and potent for me, My CODE Model Coach(TM) "designation". This is a way I live my life. I am ever changing, moment to next moment. At first it was choosing myself, (it has not always been easy), then from there I was willing and able to make a difference in my son's life, and my husband's life, and then made a difference in family member's lives who choose/choosing to find a different way that expands, living fully and meaningful lives to move through and I offer just that to them and many more people who are coming into my life.

Now, my space is extending out to clients that are finding that choosing them self first, means something very different then the notion that they were culturally conditioned to believe. The word "Selfish" usually in my experience, shatters the body, and a nice place to have a conversation. In this past month, a success I am owning is that I have changed and expanded nine people's lives. I make a difference in my own life, and lives of people that come into my life.

This is interesting for me...I have never really owned the space I created for myself to "rumble" in my own growth. Yes, I was one of those late bloomers that wanted and desired to go to university when I was in my late 30's. I loved spending time in the library and just researching other people's opinions. It was blissful to me, and the other stuff that was required of me, sometimes, not so wonderful.

My success in my late 30's and something I am owning for the first time is...I went through a process, met the requirements of both degrees I engaged in, and in my body right now, own it all - the not so happy stuff and the wonderful stuff that I experienced.

I do have an undergraduate degree in Canadian Studies (meaning that I was able to take from any discipline any course, providing that the content was at least 60% Canadian content along with core course that were required to meet the degree's requirement). I was able to study in courses that lite me up, I studied Black African Canadians, Aboriginals, Women Studies, How many culturally groups came to Canada, new Canadians, oh man the list goes on...I loved learning about it all!

Then, I wanted to do my Master's in Education Physiology and was "told" that I needed to do my Bachelor of Education first. (wow, talk about being out of alignment) I persevered for a two year program and at the end of the process received my Bachelor of Education degree. (These past few sentences I have gone out of the intelligence of my body right into the intelligence of the brain). Yuck!!!! And I am getting a "hit" that there was intelligence in my body then, for how my life has transformed into my NOW (oh, boy I am happy with quantum leaps as opposed to incremental changes and relish in that I took a path that has brought me to this body of knowlege).

So I have owned and spoke up and out about my successes. That is how easy my life is now. I don't have to have big drama, nor huge "this pisses me off" moments that i often keep to myself - it is not to say that I can have "annoying" moments still or I press up against something for me to learn more of myself. I just know that the "whole" of all my experiences has lead me to where I am right now. I have created it all!!!

I have this card that I picked up a few weeks back, it reads:

Walk slowly. Don't rush. Each STEP brings you to the best moment of your life, the present moment. Thieh Nhat Hanh

For me, it resonates because it was in the "moment of Pause" that I took to even see a gleamer of something different for myself. Yes, in my world, quantum leaps happen, when I pay attention to the "Don't Rush" and living in the NOW!

Trust yourself