The Huge Judgments of Myself ARE The Most Damaging!

Wow, today I saw my own edge...did I back down from it or did I go right into it?

You guessed it...i stay right with it...

This is something new to me...to honour, and own ...even though how bazaar it may seem to me, and yes, before I would have huge judgements of myself, and believe I don't know what I am talking about...then a sense of self-consciousness would come over me and the insanity would start for me, over and over again, cycle after cycle.

This time it was okay for me to have this move through my body...

Yes, this time I stayed right in the "yuck" of it all - it is not about being right or wrong in my world anymore - what the difference is, "that this is RIGHT for me to stay with whatever moves through me"...

Funny how, everything is changing in my world. No longer will our son be with us in a couple of days. Heck, he is willing to fly!

And you know what, I have done an amazing job!

There is no irony that I had cardinals living in our hedge, outside the kitchen window, this past month. They had their babies nested in the hedge. Wow, the colors that cardinals have are so brilliant and vibrant that each time their were flying from the hedge to the tree outside in the front yard, I stopped and watched...received...

Funny how I didn't pay as much attention to the babies (I knew they were just fine) yet how the parents were flying, speaking and communicating to each other.

Hmm, yes, this is interesting to me because there is a parallel to my "empty nest" and somehow I have blinked and my child has grown from a baby to a adult (give me a second on that one)...and, now it is more about how do I move in my world? - wanting a meaningful relationship with my husband and what about ME?

How does that happen when we have spent years of paying attention to not our own desires or wants... and because we thought "GOOD Parents DO THIS OR THAT" we lost our connection with each other, and worse, lost who we are.

Something else that is coming up...how many of us play out the roles that we wanted our parents to play out, and they just were not there for whatever reason. Or how many wished that their parents took more of a low key approach and let us stand on our own, making our own mistakes and triumphs that make us the person we are and becoming?

Is my relationship with my husband good? Oh, yeah but I know there are some "yuck" that will unfold in the months ahead...

This coming weekend is a time for doing something different. Yes, we are going to bring our son back to university yet it is a time for us. More importantly for Me to choose ME!
I don't have the same stress I use to put on myself. And man the judgments I would have about myself are becoming fewer and fewer. I know that I will be just fine and that whoever is wanting to see us, it will be meaningful and just right for ME!

I will remember to continue to breathe, right now it is breathing the inhale, the new breathe, as my life changes...