I am moving through this weekend with such love for life - and when I sit in the moment of reflection thinking about these past two years, it has been life altering. Maybe it is not that this weekend I am doing anything different from other long holiday weekends...yet what is different is that my world is different, and I am so in touch with myself and the best part of it all for me is, I LOVE MY LIFE and I LOVE ME and WHO I AM BECOMING!!!...
I am away from Ottawa this weekend, on holiday around my extended family and childhood friends. In this area, my son is also getting settled in a house with 4 other guys and is excited about the potential that his life is bringing. Who knows where his life is taking off to, and I know that his time spent in New Zealand this summer was nothing short of being amazing, and has widen his lens, looking from a very different perspective. Hmm, imagine he went half way around the world...the world often refers to Australia and New Zealand as "down under".
His view was changed and his life has changed! Not bad having an upside down view! Ha!Ha!
I am loving each moment this weekend, I notice that people are hanging on, staying a little longer, wanting to chat with me, wanting to converse with me. I make sense to them and they don't know why yet are so up for their own life. It doesn't go any other way...everyone I meet are so up for their own life. They want more clarity for their own lives. They want more fulfilment in their own being. They want humour and passion of what they want in their own life. Oh yeah, we like to see other people happy but I know that it comes from within. Healing comes from within. What is the old saying, what do you get when you cut an orange...orange juice, not apple juice, orange juice. Happiness comes from within. Passion comes from within. Love of SELF comes from within...
It is not that hard to change what is not working, if we choose to not make it hard for ourselves. And you know what, that is exactly where I am. I am not willing to push that river anymore. I continue to engage and believe me, I never know the result...what I do know is that it will be expanded. I no longer have a puny life, and my life is getting more amazing each day!
This weekend I am meeting up with a childhood friend that I haven't seen for quite a while. I am looking forward to it and know that my time spent with her will be meaningful to me and her. I don't live my life any other way now. It is always meaningful for me or I choose not. I don't even think anymore about the "or I should do this" - if it is clear to me right in the body response that I want to do it or not - that is what I listen to. I am even past that stage where I knew it is the body and I warped around and let my intellect convince me of something different. Usually turning out to be what I didn't want to do. No more and how easy life has become for me.
Even settling my son back into university is very different this year. I am so clear on letting him do what he needs to do. Not getting into his space and thinking he needs to do it this way or that way. Or needs this or that. Actually, we had a conversation about the things I bought him last year...i believe it was all useful stuff and he was so clear that it wasn't any of his choices. That is how life is different - no longer does my son go quiet and withdraw and no longer do I believe in my own mind that this is the way it should go because that is what was the way it was parented to me...now, we engage in calm, revealing conversations; he speaks up and out about his truth, I get to also speak up and out about my truth, and we both stay true to our own truth/Self. And you know what, funny how beliefs, values and attitudes change - they were never meant to be static and fixed. We get to be truthful to our own self. My life is a joy to live now, I am standing tall in who I am, which allows him to stand tall in who he is. Life altering.
On Saturday all the parents of the five guys were at the house, cleaning and helping their sons move in. I had a "sickly" feeling as I observed one parent, smothering her son. Oh, how familiar that was to me. So it is not about that mother and son, what was important for me to stay with was the impulse that was moving through my body. I didn't even have to open my mouth yet I felt a real "sadness" go through my own body. Oh, it was painful for me to stay with this yet I know this was for me to expand my own world.
My son and I had a great conversation driving down to the Niagara area on Thursday night. It was about the changes in our lives since the move from the Maritimes two years ago. We are both fine now and I am clear on what I am willing to do and what I am willing not to do. I am willing not to "smother" my son anymore. Hell, I didn't even know I was doing it at that time. I am moving on to a new chapter in my life. I am still my son's parent yet we are establishing a new relationship now that he is a "adult". There are no handbooks for this, and I believe it is even different then the experiences that many have with their "adult" children before me. I look around me and see other's "smoothing" their "adult" children - this is not about being judgemental of others - this is about being curious and how to do it a different way, allowing the parent to stand tall in who they are, which allows their "adult" child to stand tall in who they are and who they are becoming. After all, our "adult" children want to fly the nest!!! And I want a fulfilling life now that I am a "Empty Nester"!
I am paying attention to my breathe that I am inhaling...it is new, nourishing every cell in my body, kind of breathe!!!
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