THAT'S HOW I GOT MY LIFE BACK

How does speaking your truth in a small gathering of women not end up being meaningful?

There is never content in content. That means, there is never any meaning for me, (yes, I am a person of deep compassion and love), in what clients are saying yet what matters to me is the "wave" that evokes in a person, triggers a body response, from the conversation you are having with self and others...and if you stay with "it" and not lock "it" down, "it" will free you. That's how I got my life back.

And yes, it all happened in "small gatherings of women in meaningful conversation - what matters to each one of them and me, allowing them and me to stay present to themselves and me, speaking their own truth and mine. Something else that I have experienced in these past few years is the "wave" can last even up to 36 to 48 hours. Just staying present to myself and owning "it" for my own evolution - not for someone else's, has been huge in how I live an amazing, uplifting life now...

As I am starting to have clients, I am aware that even though an experience of the "wave" happens- in my world, energy was able to move, through engaging in conversation, then you gain insight of something you never thought about before, or many other possibilities come into awareness. Imagine, I haven't even gone outside myself, and I have my own answers-continually, living moment to next moment...this is new for me, experiencing this way these past few years, and now how I move in my world.

The question I want to ask myself is, "why do we dismay/avoid that something has happened, information has been able to move...space, movement and flow, then forget that something different has happened and then turn away experiencing the same "insane" stuff we habitually do/be in our past, carrying into our future.

WHY????

Why don't we listen to our own bodies, know that we had some clarity from the movement and get on with our life in a different way, expanding our world and not paying attention to the "rhetoric" of what is outside ourselves, and the illusions of society and globally the chaos that the world wants to believe... man or man, that definition of "insanity" is about doing things over and over again, expecting different results".

At this point, "we" and I don't normally include the "we" need to stand up to our own lives because I believe that "things" are happening, quicker and faster, and there is so much fear....and I mean in our own backyard, here in Canada, not just over there in some other part of the world, that won't affect us....

Okay, what is this all about for me?

This past weekend was one of "bliss". Yes, I remember being in university and I had use the word "bliss" in a speech. The prof asked me, "what is bliss". I know now what that is in my body.
This past month unfolded not how I would of imagine it to unfold - now, that I can look at it in hindsight...

I was offered two opportunities that I know would of been potent for me in my world. I listened to my body, not my intellect and I didn't do either. This past weekend something else unfolded that had been planned since May. As a result, we didn't have our friends come celebrate with us my husband's "retirement" weekend.

My husband and I looked at each other and said, "let's go anyways". Well, I must say that it has been probably years since we took time for ourselves. Four fun-filled days with my husband! Also spent time with extended family and friends that matter to me. How amazing is that?!!!

Another thing that I find interesting is that we were in the same area as my son. We saw him shortly for his rugby game and then spent one dinner with him. I love him and I know that I can get on with my life...and he is enjoying his new life on his own.

On one evening my husband and I went to a family party and I spent time chatting with a brother that means a lot to me, also spent time with a brother that is living a meaningful life now away from alcohol - he looks 10 years younger and the happiness he exudes is nothing short of amazing.
Oh, to add, I chatted with a brother that loves to laugh - he shared a lot of knowledge about different comedians, actors, movies etc which i will be looking into. Because I love to laugh!!!

This happen all because I stood true to what was happening in my own body. No, not there, and yes, go over there. Imagine, I had an amazing time and didn't feel that yucky tired I use to feel at family parties. I am not advocating "families need to stick together" yet I am saying that when I am true to myself, my life gets more interesting.

One evening we spent time with my childhood friend. We had a wonderful meal with her mother, her mother's friend from England and my husband along with my childhood friend's husband. We laughed a lot, talked about what was meaningful to our own person and enjoyed great food!
Now, tell me, how much better can life get...I am so happy to breathe my next breathe, and yes, there is more...

trust your self

I had to opportunity to "CLAIM " and 'OWN' something inside of me, that I have always chosen to stop

Something is very different and I experienced "it" over this past week. All my life I have stopped myself at that point of "flying"and this time went right into "it" - maybe, it is about how I valued myself every time I would "hit" a "peak" in my life -instead of staying in the "joy" and "confusion" of going into "it" - I would go around "it" and give up on myself?

NO MORE!!! I went right into "it" and my life has expanded! People are telling me there is something different about me...

This week I had the opportunity to "CLAIM" and "OWN" something inside of me, that i have always chosen to stop - I always would stop at this point and have a belief that I was capable but was I worthy?

Last Friday morning I had the pleasure of being with Louise LeBrun. Man, it was fun and life altering! I had asked her if I could do a CD in conversation with her on, "Empty Nester's...and Letting Go Of Adult Children". Just a side note: Watch for the later fall release, it will be available on www.WEL-Systems.com storefront and also on my web (I will be announcing the details of my web site next week)

By doing the CD it has taken me past a place where I have never ventured before. Yes, I have been though much in my life yet never to a point where i have a knowing in my body - that I am "Healthy, Happy, Beautiful AND WORTHY in my own being for ME!"

So let me explain more...this Monday morning I went to the chiropractor. I haven't been there since May, as they say at that office, "they never have to phone me because they know that I listen to my body, and I will know when to come in". The chiropractor was in "awe" of how healthy and happy I am. I asked him to be thorough with my appointment; meaning that I wanted him to adjust my arms/hands and legs/feet. He did testing and I am strong and full of vitality.

Next appointment I had this week was to get my hair cut. What an amazing experience that was. He cut my hair, when he was finished, out of my mouth came, "this is the first time, in years, that I have felt this beautiful". I wasn't looking for outside referencing, nor "yucky" stuff that we all can create. It was pure and simple for me, and only me. "I felt beautiful!"

The third appointment I had, I broke the back crown of one of my tooth so I headed to the dentist. When I sat in the chair they was something magical for me. I can't explain it, just a "knowing". The dentist and I had a wonderful conversation (as much as I can when my mouth is being work on Ha! Ha!). A knowing in my body and the conversation we were having, out came, "when I first moved here to Ottawa I put out an intention for people to come into my life, so I could heal". He just sat back in his chair...

All these experiences this week have shown me the deep passion i have for living my life. Not just going through the motions, or choosing to be ill...it is much more than words can describe right now!

I Love waking up in the morning and being ME! That has not always been the case over my life...

trust yourself

There is another way to move through my world, prescription free.

I got a call - voice mail -not even from a 'real person' the other day, from the pharmacy letting me know that my prescription is now up for renewal. Wow, how can that be? I haven't taken insulin since last fall - I informed the pharmacist last fall that I was no longer taking insulin; at that time, i return all the unused insulin and supplies, and I was elated that my doctor had taken me off insulin. Funny how, the sense i got then, and I was bewildered, it seemed like it was an everyday occurrence that someone came off insulin?

There were no questions ask, no forms to fill out, and I walked away feeling a sense of "wow am I just another statistic in this big zest pool?" And, what gift I am, for them to let people know that there is another way to move though their world, without presciptions being filled.

What runs through my own mind is how "routine" and "mindless" this process is. NO, i am not judging, nor saying there is a right or wrong to this...i just sit with a "WOW".

When I went to the doctor two years ago, I was in constant contact with the doctor for the first year. From there I was given a year prescription of insulin and supplies. There is no judgement on this yet how "disconnect" i feel with this notion. How I am in a state of "wonderment". Next question that comes out of me is, "do I care about myself, and/or was it useful for me to have a year's prescription"?

Since I live in a holographic universe, I bring this back to me...was it a good thing, and did it serve me at the time to receive a year's prescription for insulin? What was going through me at that time?... and I no longer know - because that residual energy i was locking down then, is gone.

Today I returned the call, just to let them know that I am no longer needing to fill out my prescription and that they can take me off their list. I no longer have diabetes...and I sit with curiosity, the women replied to me, "I can't find you in my computer, it's bizarre".

After all, "it is all about me"!
I welcome your comments, feel free to leave them on this blog or contact me at:
trust-your-self@rogers.com

Do I Let Myself "Cry"?

This morning I am feeling "tired". Not a lonesome, awful "tired" that I would of felt a year ago. Just a "tired" that doesn't feel like I can relax yet I want to do something that is different.

There is a bit of irritation to this feeling and I am going to stay right here...

One question that comes up from me, and something I had a conversation about, talking with another person yesterday, "do I let myself 'cry'"?

Do I let myself engage in the full potential of what wants to move through me, move? Do I stop it at any point of the process? Do I pass judgments or analyze what is moving through me? When it does move through me, and my body stabilizes, do I make excuses to my outside world so that I water-down my intensity? I don't have "drama" in my life anymore because it just didn't serve me, yet I do love "intensity" - do I let that huge energy out even though many people choose to have "puny lives including myself pre-WEL-Systems".

Do I wait until I am in a 'safe' place all by myself and then I repeat my "old habitual" ways of how I danced before pre-WEL-Systems; the "habitual voice" that use to convince me that it doesn't matter and just get on with your life, no, nice girls don't .....you can fill in the blank, and the "habitual voice" sounds on - to convince me, which spiral me into the "beat me up" attitude then I would believe I was less than...of myself...

A question came out of me yesterday that went like this, "how do we learn to "cry" if we have never been taught". Hmm, sounds pretty common sense, eh?

How in our own bodies do we feel 'safe' and know that we will be just fine, to cry? Not just a 'safe' environment but 'safe' in our own bodies? How do we even allow ourselves to "sob" and let sound out without any judgement - after all, in my new world view all it is "information" for me, to expand my world.

I am sitting here, very quiet at the keyboard, not knowing where the next "blip" will come from...the humming of the computer is soothing me - is that a familiar sound that made me feel "safe" or is that a sound that allows me to "distract" from my feeling of "tired" right now?

These past few days, I am feeling "tired"- my whole body "tired" - I am going into many exciting possibilities, and what are the things that I have to stay awake to, that are not serving me? After all, this "tired" has intelligence and alarming me to something about me.

I am asking the question for myself, "do I let myself cry?"

Trust Yourself

Trusting Myself for My Own Anwers

I don't know where this thought is even going and somehow it is bringing a lot of curiosity up for me...

Yesterday, my husband was talking to one of his family members and what came out was, "do you think that Marie was mis-diagnosed of even having diabetes"?

Let me just sit here for a minute...i feel huge fire in my power chakra area - actually it seats higher, it is closer to my belief, value and attitude area. Yahoo, it is in the front, for me to see, and I am experiencing right now a lot of irritating itching - bursts of fire...

How many times in my life have I done something "incredible", "ordinary that became extraordinary", just following my "gut" and then turned away from my own Self. Okay, I need to be clearer on this for me, because it is ALL ABOUT ME - after all, I live in a holographic universe.

How many times in my life did I "downplay", "water things done", "not own my own huge potential and accomplishments", and many times even worse for me, "I allowed someone else to take all credit for what I have taken into action for myself", and the list goes on.

How did I lose myself at the age of 11 when I was to go onto the city to continue my swimming. After all, I was told by many that they could see me in the next Olympics.

How about when I was 40, and there were so much expectations to get into the Bachelor of Education degree program. I am going to write down the expectations because now that I think about them they are huge. There were 60 seats with 800 actual applications that fulfilled all the requirements. (Who knows how many more applied?). The grade point average for the undergraduate was high because of all the competition. Along with the many core courses that were required to have alongside of an undergraduate degree. Many hours of volunteer work - hell, that part was a given to me, because that is where I saw myself at the time, especially since I was so culturally conditioned as being a nurturer, mother, wife and MAN I Could Just SCREAM!!! Yes, the expectations were huge, and I now know, that it is more about intention then requirements. After saying that for myself, the expectations were huge to be accepted into this program. This is external referenced.

So where did I lose myself? NO, the more profound question that I will ask is, "why did/do I allow myself to pay attention to my external world, and listen to absolute "foolishness" and lessen who I am, and the potential of how huge a presence in the world I am for myself?" To own this for myself!!! I am not here to beat myself up, yet to relax into this thought and what is different for me it to no I have "choice" or "choices" now and I can change my mind without beating myself up or listening to other people's opinion.

So no, it is not about someone wondering if I even had diabetes in the first place. What I am listening to for myself, is that I allow others in the "pack thinking" to keep me from owning my own HUGE potential, aspirations, accomplishments, achievements. I believed in myself these past two years, even though at times it was chaotic. In the past six months I declared to myself that I do not have to go alone anymore. I welcome many like-minded people in my world. What is amazing to me is that I have been always that "lone dog" waited down, carrying the heavier load because I can. Not to punish me, but I just have this huge capacity - I wonder if that is why I am very capable of listening to very "tragic" situations - you know, the things most people don't want to know let along listen to from their spouses, siblings, relatives or even co-workers.... and stay present to myself.

No one will take away these past two years from me. They have been amazing, life altering, and gut wrenching at time, yes, I have stayed present to myself (that requires a lot of work) - I have a shift in thinking - and I no why "diabetes" has served me - there was huge intelligence for me to have "diabetes".

Something that is wonderful for me to see in my blogs is that "fire energy". That type of breathe is something for years I would not allow myself to go near. Not these days. I don't have to "argue" with everyone yet what is important to me is when this "fire" moves, I need to let it move, keep my mouth closed and breathe. When this moves, my life gets bigger. Imagine that?

If you are in the Ottawa area, and are looking for more compelling meaningful conversations for yourself, I am having "Conversation with Marie" on the 27th of September, 2008 from 10 am to 1 pm. The cost will be $20 and there is limited seating. Confirm by the 22 of Sept. by emailing me at trust-your-self@rogers.com

Trust yourself - I am starting to get use to this "fire" moving...I must say, it's a Yahoo!

"Empty Nester"+"Nothingness"+"Creativity...Who Would Of Ever Guessed? It really is that simple...

Life unfolds exactly as it is meant to...those words are comforting at times, along with frustration, anger, and as well, the knowing that it makes sense to me looking at hindsight...
Imagine it all can exist at the same time...

Up to this point in my life, everything has been meaningful for me to learn more about myself.

Wow, I don't know if I would of agreed with that statement when my life was falling apart not less than two years ago...
And it all makes sense now...yes, there is more to come...

I have re-claimed my health, re-defined who I am as a human being, re-shaped my life and onto a new stage in my life...
they call this stage "Empty Nester's"...

At first I felt a huge void in my life without my son - "Empty"? Not now, life is full, for me and my son...how did that happen?

I am not near a dictionary and I will expand on my own understanding of "Empty"

Well, quickly I go to "nothingness". How wonderful is that?

Isn't the place of creativity?

In these past two years, anytime I was in a course with Louise Lebrun - it seem to me that the most profound and potent times for me is when I did "nothing". The first time in my life that I was able to have space, thanks to Louise, to do "nothing". Allow yourself to do "nothing" right now...then if you are interested go into her website to see what she has to offer in the way of courses at www.WEL-Systems.com I am so glad I listen to my "gut" about taking many courses from her because my life is not only liveable now, I have an amazing life now!!!

Do nothing...lots of judgement there...Oh, man yes I am that person that wants to keep going no matter what. No matter if my body is screaming to stop. No matter if my intellect is wanting to stop the world and get off it for awhile (yes, these days I want to get back on for more) and No matter even though I am clear that it is like "eating an elephant one bite at a time". I know longer have to do "it" because someone suggested. In those times, sitting in "nothingness" seems to make a huge difference allowing me to process...ponder...and awake to something that has now come into my awareness...

"Nothingness"

all out of "nothingness" I have re-claimed my health, re-shaped my own world and onto a new stage in my life...

come join me as I welcome you to this interactive blog...I believe I don't have to do this alone anymore...

you can also contact me at my business email: trust-your-self@rogers.com

Starting to move through my life differently...and letting go of my "adult" child

I am moving through this weekend with such love for life - and when I sit in the moment of reflection thinking about these past two years, it has been life altering. Maybe it is not that this weekend I am doing anything different from other long holiday weekends...yet what is different is that my world is different, and I am so in touch with myself and the best part of it all for me is, I LOVE MY LIFE and I LOVE ME and WHO I AM BECOMING!!!...

I am away from Ottawa this weekend, on holiday around my extended family and childhood friends. In this area, my son is also getting settled in a house with 4 other guys and is excited about the potential that his life is bringing. Who knows where his life is taking off to, and I know that his time spent in New Zealand this summer was nothing short of being amazing, and has widen his lens, looking from a very different perspective. Hmm, imagine he went half way around the world...the world often refers to Australia and New Zealand as "down under".
His view was changed and his life has changed! Not bad having an upside down view! Ha!Ha!

I am loving each moment this weekend, I notice that people are hanging on, staying a little longer, wanting to chat with me, wanting to converse with me. I make sense to them and they don't know why yet are so up for their own life. It doesn't go any other way...everyone I meet are so up for their own life. They want more clarity for their own lives. They want more fulfilment in their own being. They want humour and passion of what they want in their own life. Oh yeah, we like to see other people happy but I know that it comes from within. Healing comes from within. What is the old saying, what do you get when you cut an orange...orange juice, not apple juice, orange juice. Happiness comes from within. Passion comes from within. Love of SELF comes from within...

It is not that hard to change what is not working, if we choose to not make it hard for ourselves. And you know what, that is exactly where I am. I am not willing to push that river anymore. I continue to engage and believe me, I never know the result...what I do know is that it will be expanded. I no longer have a puny life, and my life is getting more amazing each day!

This weekend I am meeting up with a childhood friend that I haven't seen for quite a while. I am looking forward to it and know that my time spent with her will be meaningful to me and her. I don't live my life any other way now. It is always meaningful for me or I choose not. I don't even think anymore about the "or I should do this" - if it is clear to me right in the body response that I want to do it or not - that is what I listen to. I am even past that stage where I knew it is the body and I warped around and let my intellect convince me of something different. Usually turning out to be what I didn't want to do. No more and how easy life has become for me.

Even settling my son back into university is very different this year. I am so clear on letting him do what he needs to do. Not getting into his space and thinking he needs to do it this way or that way. Or needs this or that. Actually, we had a conversation about the things I bought him last year...i believe it was all useful stuff and he was so clear that it wasn't any of his choices. That is how life is different - no longer does my son go quiet and withdraw and no longer do I believe in my own mind that this is the way it should go because that is what was the way it was parented to me...now, we engage in calm, revealing conversations; he speaks up and out about his truth, I get to also speak up and out about my truth, and we both stay true to our own truth/Self. And you know what, funny how beliefs, values and attitudes change - they were never meant to be static and fixed. We get to be truthful to our own self. My life is a joy to live now, I am standing tall in who I am, which allows him to stand tall in who he is. Life altering.

On Saturday all the parents of the five guys were at the house, cleaning and helping their sons move in. I had a "sickly" feeling as I observed one parent, smothering her son. Oh, how familiar that was to me. So it is not about that mother and son, what was important for me to stay with was the impulse that was moving through my body. I didn't even have to open my mouth yet I felt a real "sadness" go through my own body. Oh, it was painful for me to stay with this yet I know this was for me to expand my own world.

My son and I had a great conversation driving down to the Niagara area on Thursday night. It was about the changes in our lives since the move from the Maritimes two years ago. We are both fine now and I am clear on what I am willing to do and what I am willing not to do. I am willing not to "smother" my son anymore. Hell, I didn't even know I was doing it at that time. I am moving on to a new chapter in my life. I am still my son's parent yet we are establishing a new relationship now that he is a "adult". There are no handbooks for this, and I believe it is even different then the experiences that many have with their "adult" children before me. I look around me and see other's "smoothing" their "adult" children - this is not about being judgemental of others - this is about being curious and how to do it a different way, allowing the parent to stand tall in who they are, which allows their "adult" child to stand tall in who they are and who they are becoming. After all, our "adult" children want to fly the nest!!! And I want a fulfilling life now that I am a "Empty Nester"!

I am paying attention to my breathe that I am inhaling...it is new, nourishing every cell in my body, kind of breathe!!!