Trusting Myself for My Own Anwers

I don't know where this thought is even going and somehow it is bringing a lot of curiosity up for me...

Yesterday, my husband was talking to one of his family members and what came out was, "do you think that Marie was mis-diagnosed of even having diabetes"?

Let me just sit here for a minute...i feel huge fire in my power chakra area - actually it seats higher, it is closer to my belief, value and attitude area. Yahoo, it is in the front, for me to see, and I am experiencing right now a lot of irritating itching - bursts of fire...

How many times in my life have I done something "incredible", "ordinary that became extraordinary", just following my "gut" and then turned away from my own Self. Okay, I need to be clearer on this for me, because it is ALL ABOUT ME - after all, I live in a holographic universe.

How many times in my life did I "downplay", "water things done", "not own my own huge potential and accomplishments", and many times even worse for me, "I allowed someone else to take all credit for what I have taken into action for myself", and the list goes on.

How did I lose myself at the age of 11 when I was to go onto the city to continue my swimming. After all, I was told by many that they could see me in the next Olympics.

How about when I was 40, and there were so much expectations to get into the Bachelor of Education degree program. I am going to write down the expectations because now that I think about them they are huge. There were 60 seats with 800 actual applications that fulfilled all the requirements. (Who knows how many more applied?). The grade point average for the undergraduate was high because of all the competition. Along with the many core courses that were required to have alongside of an undergraduate degree. Many hours of volunteer work - hell, that part was a given to me, because that is where I saw myself at the time, especially since I was so culturally conditioned as being a nurturer, mother, wife and MAN I Could Just SCREAM!!! Yes, the expectations were huge, and I now know, that it is more about intention then requirements. After saying that for myself, the expectations were huge to be accepted into this program. This is external referenced.

So where did I lose myself? NO, the more profound question that I will ask is, "why did/do I allow myself to pay attention to my external world, and listen to absolute "foolishness" and lessen who I am, and the potential of how huge a presence in the world I am for myself?" To own this for myself!!! I am not here to beat myself up, yet to relax into this thought and what is different for me it to no I have "choice" or "choices" now and I can change my mind without beating myself up or listening to other people's opinion.

So no, it is not about someone wondering if I even had diabetes in the first place. What I am listening to for myself, is that I allow others in the "pack thinking" to keep me from owning my own HUGE potential, aspirations, accomplishments, achievements. I believed in myself these past two years, even though at times it was chaotic. In the past six months I declared to myself that I do not have to go alone anymore. I welcome many like-minded people in my world. What is amazing to me is that I have been always that "lone dog" waited down, carrying the heavier load because I can. Not to punish me, but I just have this huge capacity - I wonder if that is why I am very capable of listening to very "tragic" situations - you know, the things most people don't want to know let along listen to from their spouses, siblings, relatives or even co-workers.... and stay present to myself.

No one will take away these past two years from me. They have been amazing, life altering, and gut wrenching at time, yes, I have stayed present to myself (that requires a lot of work) - I have a shift in thinking - and I no why "diabetes" has served me - there was huge intelligence for me to have "diabetes".

Something that is wonderful for me to see in my blogs is that "fire energy". That type of breathe is something for years I would not allow myself to go near. Not these days. I don't have to "argue" with everyone yet what is important to me is when this "fire" moves, I need to let it move, keep my mouth closed and breathe. When this moves, my life gets bigger. Imagine that?

If you are in the Ottawa area, and are looking for more compelling meaningful conversations for yourself, I am having "Conversation with Marie" on the 27th of September, 2008 from 10 am to 1 pm. The cost will be $20 and there is limited seating. Confirm by the 22 of Sept. by emailing me at trust-your-self@rogers.com

Trust yourself - I am starting to get use to this "fire" moving...I must say, it's a Yahoo!