Feeling "SAFE" in my BEING.

I spent some time today with a group of women that are up for HUGE intensity in their own lives. There is no hiding or colluding or talking about the mundane stuff - and guess what! I get to discover more of who I am!

My husband was not home at the end of this day, and he was going to pick me up from the west side of the city - yet he wasn't home when I phoned. Somehow, I knew that I needed the SPACE that a bus trip would give me, from the west side of the city to the east side...

Something that has come up for me is this notion..."innocent as a state of being"

Well that has been on the forefront of my mind all day....

I am going to do the thing, that makes sense to me and look up the word, "innocent" - The oxford Dictionary 1.free from moral wrong, sinless, unacquainted with evil 3. simple, guileless, harmless, naive, pretending to be guileless

I guess right now I can only ask questions. Why can't I still have "innocents as a state of being" even though I'm forty-eight? Was my innocents taken away from me at such a early age that I don't even have an understanding? Do I always go into "fear" when something that happened to me, ripples out to my son and the student's I taught? Am I fooled by my own self, by avoiding or when i feel sadness that I blame myself?

Today it was re assuring to me that we don't come from the "intact" family. There is no such thing as a "perfect family". My parents stuff that was not so good, was their stuff. I don't have to take that stuff as my own anymore. It was their "bullshit" stuff and I don't have to own it anymore. Neither does my own son have to claim the "bullshit" stuff that is from me and my husband. It is something that "frees" me right now.

I have carried huge humiliation all my life - and just hoped it would go away, that no one would notice. It defined me of who I was and NO MORE!

How SAFE did I feel in my own home? No, man, we don't talk about this! And there were many times in my child/teenage life that I didn't feel safe. Did it have to be that way? NO! Because I/we aren't taughed to speak up and out when we are hurt, and let people know that we don't feel safe. Nor do we as parents ever ask our children - and really listen to what they want/desire/need to say - even if it takes hours to be with them before they want/desire/need all honouring who they are - how sacred that is!!!! Just huge waves are going through me right now...

Okay let me go back to the word "innocents"free from moral wrong, sinless, unacquainted - there was this huge belief when I was growning up that because it was a "morally good home" that all was "safe"...

How many times did i want to speak up and I was rushed off because someone had to be somewhere.

What I want to say for myself right now, is, usually it only takes that few more minutes...that makes the difference for me. Trust my SELF...

I Don't KNOW WHAT TO CALL This BLOG - I'll "JUST TAKE"!

This past week has been one of 'chaos' and I am glad to say this today, that I stand taller/stronger in the knowing of more clarity about myself, once again!

By staying with a huge wave that lasted at least 48 hours to moved through me, and by not shutting it down, it has brought more awareness to me. It is though a lens has been "shattered" and I am seeing from a clearer lens. I am very aware that I have more presence of my SELF.

Has this week been easy? NO!

Have I stayed with the 'chaos'? YES!

I need to talk about, not the impulses that have moved through my body, but the awareness that I have now become clearer to, because of the huge waves that have moved through my body this week. Yes, I believe I do live in a holographic universe. Everything that unfolds in my world, and a little side note, I believe it doesn't have to be as hard as I have found it this week, so at times, it be not so easy, or it is easy, and is all there for me to discover the 'essence' of WHO I AM in the world; unveiling each layer by layer, to discover more of my SELF.

Do I have to pay attention to everything? NO! YET what I am learning is that I am not always going to be able to attach meaning or language to what is moving through my body. I just flow with it, moment to moment, breathing in and out. What has been useful for me is to change the type of breathe - the water breathe has been effective for me to go into, a very uplifting breathe and incredible movement and flow happens to me.

Lately I have declared a vision for myself. It is no coincidence that Amy McNaughton and I have decided to share our own NEW experience once a month on our blogging. Amy is very separate from what she is experiencing and I am doing what pulls me. Where it will be fun for me, is just the "FRESHNESS" of something new and how excited about life - even more, adding a new dimension to my life!

What has come up for me lately, is once I have created SPACE in my body - what happens? AM I feeling SAFE?
I believe I can go back into habit/default because that is what feels comfortable, familiar and safe in my body, even though it may not be serving me, nor feeling comfortable in my body (for example such as "depression" - the last of whatever 'residual energy' wants to stick like crazy glue: and I experienced this this week - for about four hours near the end of the huge wave, I sat with this incredible feeling of "sadness" - what I now know, and what I didn't know a year ago pre-WEL-Systems has made a difference to me - in this past year, all the time I have spent reading, being in programs and experiencing life differently - allowed me to stay with this intense 'feeling' of sadness this week - I now know it has left my body and before last year I would of shut it down with eating in excess, hoping it to go away, and just continue to feel sad and not know there is a different way for me to move through my world.)

So know that I have created SPACE and my life is so amazing - I am up for change in my routine! I am adding a new dimension to my life - not making it hard, or expensive or something that is so unachievable I want to give up...no, this is going to be 'effortless" "enjoyable"'something that I want/desire to do" and it is going to be something totally different than want I have experience ever before in my life...do something out of the "ordinary" for me! Or maybe do something that was always been in my mind and never came to reality for me.

So this may require me to "JUST TAKE"!

WOW, does that bring up a lot of STUFF for me. For me to "JUST TAKE" in order for me to be happier, more joyful, more alive! How dare I "just take" when i have been taught to "wait" for everyone to get their share before I took more. And then be disappointed because after 11 other people took there was no more.

Man, my belief now, is there is so much abundance that it is up to each individual to "just take" what they want. Trust me, this has been the biggest break through for me this week. I am grateful to Louise LeBrun for creating her new CD on "Leadership Redefined~Reclaimed an Emerging Futures Conversation" because what has been consistent to me all week is spending time listening to these CD's - every CD that I put on, spoke to me, and gave me more clarity about what I was going through at that moment- it is a different way of thinking that makes so much sense, so if I didn't have these CD's, I believe I wouldn't be experiencing the huge clarity I have now.

Last week, and again from the conversations that the new CD presented - I had this huge awareness of "insert" - now, that may not mean anything to someone else, and how huge it was for me. From "inserting" myself an amazing gathering of women got together for meaningful conversation! Imagine! I created that by "inserting" myself!

So where am I going with all of this....i don't know...and I know that I needed to blog today...everything is always connected I believe - and I am so happy to say, that I am able to say their is a bigger picture and our lives get fuller!!! We may not always have all the parts in our awareness...the water breathe is great for me to pay attention to right now...Yahoo! As I think of the possibilities of something NEW in my life to discover!!!

SPACE - I give myself for ME!

Here it is in the middle of the afternoon. Today, my body feels like it is "shooken" up and just wants to lay down. So, I listened. I layed down on the couch and fell asleep for an hour this afternoon. My husband wanted to go, and do some out in the truck kind of stuff with me, and I told him, no, I need to take some space for myself. He understood completely, and that would not of been the case a while back.

How my life is so much more meaningful to me now, to be present to myself, and to do the things that are pulling me, and not do the things that are pulling someone else. I just have to listen to me. Wow, how so effortless and now that I am up from my nap (taking time for myself) that I feel refreshed, renew, and have energy to get up and blog and then...

Right now, I am hearing close people in my life with many dis..eases. I just found out this week that my sister that died, her best friend has breast cancer. My husband's brother-in-law's sister has 'pancreatic cancer". My own brother-in-law has leukemia and at the end of his treatment and still getting many blood transfusions. Does this surprise me as all these people are in their fifties and early sixties?

My own belief is that these people want to continue living yet they are going into a smaller and smaller box - that defines their life as "hopeless". Society has this huge fear of it as"devastating". You only have a month to live - like how the hell can anyone say that to anyone?

How much fear there is out there because no longer can that model of the world find any resolution. Oh, yeah, things do become better...my question is, can you find resolution in the body that actually metabolizes residual energy and allows space to be created in the body? To become more!!!

This is not hard at all (and our intellect and the fear in society believes it is hard) I myself have gone through this process and I must say I have reclaimed my health back. One thing that is getting clearer to me...is the importance to me, to allow myself SPACE.

Getting rid of stuff that our bodies know is not serving us or creating DIS-EASE. Does this need to be a fast process, NO! And is it, YES! Yet what is important to me, is taking my life back for MYSELF.

Funny how, if only we would pay attention to ourselves - and the impulses that move through our own bodies then... WOW, imagine living in the here and now. The earth would be so much calmer and our lives would have way more meaning then worrying about the next person that is going to get a dis-ease. NO, I am not talking about "white light and forgiveness" kind of stuff. I am talking about being true to MYSELF. Allowing all the four different types of breath to move in my body, whenever and however it unfolds.

The focus would be so much different then what we focus on right now. I want to stop right here and dream....imagine! I say Imagine my Life! Imagine your Life!

I am sure that colors would be more vibrant, people would be more "awake" to what they were doing in their everyday life, and I can't even begin to dream about how different life would be. I can have all of this right now. I can have all of this right now!

Something that comes up, is Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz - all she had to do to get home, was believe she was home - hmm, I ask myself, which choice do I want?

For me, I ponder, 'cause now there are many possiblities for me!

Something that I only DREAM about in my mind, is now a REALITY for me!

Over these last couple of weeks I have been going through some 'uncomfortable' ways - it is something very familiar to me yet something that I am paying attention to because it is so hidden, sticky, and does not want to be brought to the surface, and has stopped me in my tracks to not go forward...I always have had these body responses in my life, yes, many times...this time I am inviting SPACE (which I have given myself these past two weeks...) allowing,

Movement...Flow....

I know the familiar response in my body and always quickly allowed it to settle back down to where it wants to go...it may be like a 'fear' or even many 'fears' and I am certain that even though it is brought to my awareness I choose to 'get rid of it quickly', 'hold it back down', 'avoid the sensation in my body so it will go away', 'no way it is not about me', 'turn away from it' and the list goes on...
I wonder if these responses is what many refer to the 'black' side of myself and many of us believe we have and don't want to go towards these 'feelings' - and you know what, I don't believe it is 'black' at all because this is the information that will 'free' me of my 'uncomfortable' ways I know to be true in my body...

Something interesting happen to me this week...as you know, I am from a family of twelve. We all "came to the dinner table" each night to gather, and most important to each of us, to eat. If we didn't make it to the dinner table than the pickings were slim in the fridge. Sooo, in my body it has never made sense to me, to not take a place at the table - man, I never wanted to be left with not much to eat. This is not bad, good, right or wrong - no, we didn't go days without food, food was the first priority for my father and mother - I believe my parents went grocery shopping everyday or at least every second day. What I am saying, that after dinner not too was to be had, so the number one logical answer was, you brought yourself and placed yourself at the table.

What has clicked for me this week is the word "insert". Yes, we did come to the table but not always were we heard. Some of us were quiet, some of us were loud and some of us you just wanted to hurry up and leave the table so the conversation wouldn't center around those individuals. Oh man, what chaos!!! And there was lots of meaningful times around the dinner table.

Okay...The word insert - the definition in the Oxford Dictionary - "INSERT" - place, fit, thrust, in (thing in, into another, between edges etc.)

This week 'it' did feel good in my body to 'insert' myself, and funny enough, pouf, it took on a whole new way on it's own. It is very clear to me that by 'inserting' myself something was born. Do I make a difference? Yes, I do when I 'insert' myself, and not when I don't 'insert' myself? hmm, interesting...

Before, I was willing to come to the table, and for me, it meant a lot to come to the table, yet it wasn't the 'whole'. I now have the awareness that coming to the table wasn't enough for me - it was 'inserting' myself that my life has catapulted into a open loop accelerating emerging future. Something that I only dreamed about in my mind, of what I wanted/desired/needed is now a reality for me. And all I did was "insert' myself.

I never could understand, and I must say most of my life, why people overlooked me when I just came to the table. So I was that 'high energy' person yet never did I show my edges.

I think about me, in my past, and you know what, i was wonderful but I wasn't clear on what I was willing to do, and what I was willing not to do. So that rippled out into my world and i appeared to be 'confused' or whatever... After all, what makes me 'light up now' is that I am really 'loving' ME and that not only am I that, I too have many edges. Oh man, I can just sob right now because, right now it is an amazing place for me to be...the sobs are "tears of joy" not sadness....

Edges, we all have them, and what I am finding out is that it is making my life more meaningful to live - and the people that love me are finding I am more enjoyable to live with. Hmm, quite the opposite to what I believed all my life. No, I don't have to 'punch someone' or 'scream at someone' that is not what i am taking about showing my edges - It is more about the strength of my voice, not caving in on myself, giving up on myself, the clarity in my thoughts and just 'loving' ME!

Who better than you, can be YOU!!!!

How Different "MOTHER's DAY" MEANS TO ME! W

Hmm, funny how I have wanted/desired/needed to blog over this past week, and how I choose not to do so....one thing that is very clear to me right now is that I am giving myself SPACE...what does that mean for me? Oh, of course, I always allow myself the space to just "Allow" and "Invite" or DO I always or just when it is in my awareness?

How busy I can become with all those things that I believe I need to do - you know, that make me a wonderful wife, wonderful mother, wonderful friend, wonderful sister, wonderful neighbour and the list goes on - and at the end of the day, what is left for ME? "Wonderful Me?" Maybe that is why I chose to be by myself a lot because I no longer want what I had in my past anymore. And how my world is now opening up to many different possiblilities!

My experience on "Mother's Day" this year, was a very different experience that I 'have never had' in all my life, and I must say, at times during the day almost felt serville. My husband and I decided to go on a bike ride down to Dow's Lake to see the tulips (tulip festival in Ottawa is absolutely amazing - and what better way then to enjoy all the senses - then by biking and to add, it has been a long time that I have enjoyed moving my body (there would of been many rules these past couple of years (diabetes) and not to mention, if I think about the many years I spent saying "no" to my husband because of .....and I am sure you can fill in the blank. Hmm, maybe it was me not liking who I had become that was stopping me from engaging in my own life....So by riding and being out in the air I felt 'free'! "Wonderful ME!"

Now the added bonus to all of this, is that my son asked if he could join us. Yes, my twenty year old son wanted/desired to come along with our adventure. How cool is that? I must say that biking and just allowing myself to feel the different sensations in my body - air flowing by, different fragances of the blossoming trees, water flowing, children singing, people swanging on roller skates, people walking - me, moving my body and just that feeling of momentum..oh, how AMAZING! OH WHAT A FEELiNG!!!! (the song rings loudly in my head) OH WHAT A FEELING, WHAT A RUSH!!!

As we got closer to the canal, their were some people fishing and they had caught a huge fish - it was a show stopper and even the boat on the canal stopped to watch the excitment of the final stages of the people catching the fish - HOW ALIVE PEOPLE were!- they was a huge applaush when they finally caught the fish! Oh how we are HUNGRY FOR Excitment in our OWN LIVES!!!

It was astounding how many people were out taking pictures of their family, loved ones by the brilliant colours of the many different types of tulips. In that moment, tt was a SPACE that I had given to myself, that gave me such immense connectiveness to myself and to other's. We really are very different and totally the same. There was huge smiles from people and the day was glorious!

So how is this any different then any other "Mother's Day"?

I know longer have to ask for permission to enjoy the "WONDERFUL ME". I don't have to think about everyone else before myself. Is that selfish? No, because when I am so filled up with joy and wonderment that is what I can exude into my world. And that is what ripples...If I don't believe I am the one to "INSERT" myself and "STEP UP to THE TABLE" then how does anyone know that I want more in my life? Or what I want/desire/need in my life. After all, it is MY LIFE.

I am sure that my husband believes year after year that he was doing amazing things for me. And he was, but did I believe he was? Did I 'insert' myself and let him know the truth of what was meaningful to me, or did I just accept what he thought was "apporpiate" and pretended everything was okay? What kind of 'stories' did I start believeing year after year, and over time, it left me feeling isolated, not loved, not cared or valued? Do I ask my husband what are his needs/wants/desires and often we have these kinds of conversations - believe me, they are totally different then what I presume his wants/desires/needs to be.

What struck me about the day is that the three of us were doing what each of us wanted/desired/needed to do - not twisting ourselves into what the others wanted to do....and how we went to our own rhtyme - at times we were biking at different speeds, enjoying our own
SPACE and without judgement, or haste - you know maybe all the other "MOTHER'S DAYS" was one day that I allowed myself to get really "PISSEY" (whatever I would want to bump up against in my past) - typically because I was "angry" and didn't know how to let that come out. Wow, I am so glad that I am standing right here because My LIFE is so much more MEANINGFUL To me - and as a result, it is rippling out....

I AM MORE than this QUANTUM BIOLOGICAL PROCESSOR

The other night at Louise Lebrun's evening, "Women Awakening" just minutes outside of Ottawa in Kanata at the Kanata Square; I believe I had an experience, I must say, that truly left me feeling uncomfortable, "jolted me" and lasted the next day, even today, yet there was a knowing deep in my tissue that something profound was/is happening in my body. Was I liking it, no, because it was the first time that I was paying attention to both what was happening in my body AND listening to my external world. Funny how I am 'thinking' (and yes, through my intellect, if somehow my possibilities are getting bigger/expanding?) This is crazy thinking because the next thing I want to say, is that the intellect is never going to give me my truth - man, if I relied on that, i could get into a lot of stories (thanks Amy McNaughton I found huge meaning for me from your last blog - and I read all your blogs that are always meaningful to me) I am sure that is what I have been doing these past couple of days - "STORIES".

During the second half of the evening Louise guided us through a "guided process". In Louise's world it is always about allow and invite - never command and control, if you are not interested in going through the guided process than that is great, and if you are interested in going through the guided process that is great as well. It really is, for me, to listen to my own body - nobody else. One thing that Louise spoke about is that in all her years of doing this (40 years) that she knows that if the person either chooses to do the guided process or not do the guided process YET continues to stay in the room, their life changes. I must agree from my own experiences.

Instinctively my body has an knowing to do whatever this "quantum biological processor" needs to process at this moment. In fact, it is a relief to my body because it is so pleased to be given SPACE - something that in our busy lives we never allow SPACE to expand our core, so that the information can then move freely, not tightly that it presses up against my inflated core...and man that is crazy making stuff to me, because then I begin to be lead by my brain intelligence and not my intelligence of my whole body. Creating SPACE, MOVEMENT and FLOW is how simple and easy it is!!! There is no stuggle and my body knows...it just knows...

I am much more than this "Quantum Biological Processor" and when I am fully connected to WHO I AM - I AM Loads of Love and Laughter with an EDGE - my life is effortless and my life unfolds purposefully exactly how I intended...

I am organic and what that means to me, is that I can choose moment to moment. I am not mechanical and need to be fixed - bringing myself to a 'dealership' for them to fix my machine so it is up and running again. No, I live in this 'quantum biological processor' and I choose moment to moment to either listen to what is moving through me or not pay attention to what is moving through me. What thrills me is that I can 'quantum leap' my evolution or choose to have incremental changes, that yes, both move me forward into my emerging future. The question for me that lights me up is: Who am I? Which do I choose? Who is this Possible Authentic ME? Maybe I choose to not move so quickly with my emerging futures at times because I need to allow myself the SPACE to metabolize the huge amounts of information that is being presented to me. Yes, I can have some "quiet time" for ME.

Friday I did just that. I had some "quiet time" for me, by myself. I just allowed things to happen
as they happened. If I wanted to chat with someone...Pouff - the phone rang and it was exactly who I wanted to talk with and share with. If I wanted to rest, I did. If I wanted to email, I did. I do know whatever happened on Thursday night was profound, potent for me, and I still have no clarity. That is okay!!!

The next "Women Awakening" is on the 10th of September from 7 to 10 in Kanata, Ontario. This is only a suggestion, and if this is sparking your attention, go on-line at www.WEL-Systems.com and pre-registrar, invest in yourself and only in yourself. If that seems like a long time away and you are up for something more in your life, I was just on another intensive program called "Decloaking...and living Authentically". What I liked about this program is that I visited all the body of knowledge that the WEL-Systems Institute has evolved and evolving, besides being in a Space with Louise who has created this body of knowledge, how better can that get, and you get to 'test drive' the material. Lots of SPACE is created, Movement and Flow. I am not the same person I was at the beginning of the program!!!

There is another "Decloaking...and living Authentically on the 21st to the 25 of July here in Ottawa. I am saying all of this because I didn't pay attention to the many programs that the WEL-Systems offer, at least the first nine months I moved to Ottawa, and felt very alone, ISOLATED, and how these courses have made the Life-ALTERING difference in my life - somehow, I was numb to my own SELF. Right now, I have a different way to move through my life, and honestly the way I was moving through my life before WEL-Systems was keeping me flat-lined, totally unhappy that no one would even imagine I was, to say it simply, a mere shadow of my "INCREDIBLE Magnificent Self with my imperfections".

I am going to listen today to my breathe - especially for me, when I am in the WATER Breathe - it is such an uplifting breathe in my body!

One last thought, another course that may appeal to you, because it makes sense to me, is a weekend course for the people that live out of town OR people that don't have time in their weekday right now. This course is called "Women Fully Alive" June 7th and 8th. I believe if you are reading this blog right now, you are up for something different in your OWN life! Not your husband's life, your child's life, and the list goes on, YOUR LIFE!!!

There are many courses, go on-line to discover the more that you can be and WANT TO BE. Again I say this for myself, this is the invitation that I was numb to, I believe it doesn't have to be as hard as I made it to be....today, only because society has given this one day for "MOTHER'S" whollow in the Magnificient of YOU!!! Yahoo!!!

"Dilly Dally Day" + How I Am Moving Through My World!

Yesterday, I was in a situation that unfolded extremely meaningful for me, actually a 'simple' solitary event, yet profound to me. Yesterday I spent time with my son, enjoying a "dilly dally day" - oh, just rhyming those words brings so much joy and enthusiasm to me...I ask myself, what does that mean to me? Dilly Dally Day....

Hmm...Well, that means to me, that I am truly 'carefree' in what I am doing - and the difference to me now, is that I continue to move forward as well, in what is important to me. I don't stop myself from not doing 'anything', 'nothing' or wait for someone, wait for something to happen, and the list goes on for "WAIT" and ironically, I am probably more resourceful to what I am wanting to do, moving through this 'carefree' way.

I am saying this out loud to myself, "yesterday I spent time with my son and I did more in four hours, for my wants and desires, then I have in the past two weeks. No, I am truly alive now, willing and able, motivated to be doing many things and that is how I move through me world with many of my wants and desires "accomplished"...yesterday paying attention and relaxing into the moment...I have this sense of utter freedom of Hmm, what next? and then poof! It happens!!!

What is coming up for me right now, this a metaphor of HOW I AM MOVING Through My World Now!

Okay back to yesterday, and why it was such a huge "hit" for me...I arrived at an apt on time and the person that I was meeting was not there. Now man, i could go deep into my iceberg and truly beat myself up...remember my fire always went inward. To add, i would not even go the route that most people would go...get mad at the person for not showing up on time and directing my "angry" outside of myself.

What I did was STOP. It became clear to me that the person, for whatever reason, was not there for the time that was intended. It is not that I didn't allow myself to get really 'mad' - i didn't even entertain the possibility. What unfolded for me is WHAT DO I WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW that will be beneficial to me. I gave myself SPACE Well, I left home without putting my make-up on. I did have moisturizer and foundation on, yet it was such a bonus for me to go into the washroom and complete my make-up. I felt great! Yahoo!!!

Now, once I came out of the washroom and I went back to see if the person had arrived. She hadn't and I found this another huge invitation to go and order some food. I went downstairs and the person was coming through the door. So, I changed my mind, and connected with this individual. Changing my mind because I said so is a way better way to live for me, than changing my mind for someone else. Okay, what is coming up for me is, how many times do I "wait" and my default is to "fill my face". Or, this particular time, I want/desire to have food and not feel guilty about eating, truly loving the moment, flavor, smell, atmosphere, sound, and yes, nourish my physical body... and then another possibility, change my mind...

None of how I behave is right, wrong, good or bad...there is intelligence for me to pay attention to...and it is very useful for me to pay attention to my own Self and POOF ...i know exactly what to do for me...there is no more "putting myself in hot coals" - this is effortless, all I do is check in with myself and ask. Simple, true to myself and how much better does my life become...

This is a belief that I would of had before yesterday...I am not allowed to have a "Dilly Dally Day", be "carefree", enjoy time with my son, all alongside with moving forward with my wants and desires. I can enjoy it ALL and ALL on the same day!!! IMAGINE That!!! Yahoo!!!!

IT IS ONLY INFORMATION IN MY BODY, FOR ME, TO DISSOLVE

This past week I have been in a WEL-Systems program called "Decloaking...and living authentically!". This morning and once each month, on a Saturday morning, I am having "Conversation with Marie" in my home with other women that are looking for something that they know in their bodies, the truth of their own experience, that if they continue to live the way they are living, their own life force will be continue to leave their bodies, and is becoming just too much for them, and they would rather not live....AND the stuff that I am very aware of, NO ONE KNOWS THAT YOU ARE THIS DESPERATE!!!!

I am much clearer on my own truth, not my husband's truth, my son's truth or even how we have been taught, the absolute truth... and I have become so much clearer, in such a short time, and MAN, OH MAN, I Love Being ME!!! How can that be?

I am very clear that I have the power. No longer do I have to give away my power. Funny how we believe that everyone else has the power. Student's believe that teacher's have the power. Children believe that parent's have the power. Parent's believe that children have the power. And the list goes on and on. When is it up to me to know in my own body that I HAVE MY OWN Power? How does this happen, if I was reading this as an observer, I would think to myself, "Yeah" I have my own power... yet, I continued to become "sicker" as my life progressed. How is it that I know, right in this moment, that I have the "best" health that I ever did all my life. Oh man, how can that really be? How is that possible when I was "Insulin Diabetic" and now no longer on any medication for "Diabetes"?

What is different from "then" to "now"?

Well, it is a very different way that I move through my world/life. No one every taught me to listen to my own impulses in my body. Oh yeah, I was taught that, through my family systems, school schools, religion systems, and I am very grateful that I was aware of this notion from these systems. Yet NO ONE taught me that the difference was that this information, is for me to dissolve, for me to become clearer in who I am. Not who I thought I was, or who I believed other people wanted me to be or who I thought society wanted me to be...and just how does this "WAVE" of information move through my body or what the hell do I do when I believe my body feels like it wants to BLOW UP!

What I have learned is that "BLOW UP" intensity in my body is layer upon layer of information that I have kepted locked down, capped down, happening over my life. That I am just okay, if when I am experiencing this intensity that I just soften my belly, breathe in oxygen, concentrating my attention to the base of my spine, shoulders down, mouth closed, arms to myself (because after all, it is MY INFORMATION!!!) and I don't have to talk, about he said, she said - I just have to let the wave move through me and guess what, I didn't have to tell any stories, or reveal any details of the blaa, blaa, blaa stuff. I just had to let the body stabilize - from there I become clearer on something about me, a new insight, something appears in front of me that I had never in a zillion years could of possibly thought about before and MY LIFE EXPANDS!!!

Thanks Louise and all the women this week that I spent time with. I enjoyed each and everyone of you and know that you were a gift to me. I believe I live in a holographic universe and each one of you, are an aspect of my own consciousness - I am very grateful because now I am much more then I was on Monday morning!!!

I am very clear that I am willing to share the truth of my own experiences with other women that are wanting to re-claim their health back, and then ultimately their life back. How is it that i have a better life now, even though at many times in my life I believed I had a pretty good one, and now it is just getting bigger and better for ME!!!!FUN!!!

I enjoyed waking up this morning and finding the more ME showing up! Wow, life doesn't get any better for me, and I look forward for the MORE to come....!