New year's resolutions seem to be the topic of discussion right now - everywhere i look - on talk shows, tv commercials, newspapers, at the gym...because it is explicit to my awareness what does this mean for me?
Noooooo! I am no longer interested in doing the "deprivation" thing until Easter anymore...too hard when the body is screaming for more carbs because of the cold winter..LOL Yes, I am only laughing at myself right now because I see the patterns that I carried out that worked for a short time, and sometimes a long time in my past and how I seem to bounce, no better word(warp) back to my old "destructive" ways of "sabotaging" myself. NO MORE!!! Well, those words have fallen away from my being and what i use to feel in my body hasn't even cross my awareness for quite a few months....they aren't serving me anyone...Yet, right now that word "destructive" resonates somehow...why is it that I get so far, always do so well in what I am doing, and then just at the near end I give up on myself...what the "hell" is that all about???
Let me try to think of the polar opposite of "destructive" - hmm, the word "affluent" pops immediately into my awareness. I am going to look that word up in the dictionary - The Winston Canadian Dictionary definition of affluent is, "having abundance; wealthy". Hmm, now this is making sense to me...right now, my husband and I are actively looking for a home and a newer car. Even though I am off looking for abundance am I really "thinking" my polar opposite "deprivation"...
I was reading one of Louise Lebrun's books the other night, When The Horse Dies Get Off...and Stop Dragging It Around! Reading her chapter on Relationships brought so much meaning to me and right now some more clarity.. The long and short of what resonated with me is that someone believed that someone else was taking up a lot of space - how many times in my own life has someone voiced that to me, and of course I would find that familiar strategy to only silent and withdraw, thinking that there was only so much to go around. And come on, I do come from a family of twelve siblings and too boot, a girl that was the fifth child!!! No wonder I would stall at the very end of doing something - who the hell cared when you have other children to "deal with" that are having more challenges, difficulties...and, I would often hear, "Marie is doing just fine" and no one knew, often, because they believed I was okay, I was left on my own to sort thru something that would create so much fear in me. Wow, let that rumble around in me for awhile...no wonder i often escape to my own world...
"abundance" listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer's tapes a few years ago, I always remember what he had to say about abundance - there is infinite amount of abundance - it is your choice if you go with a teaspoon or a dump truck. Do I still have the belief that if I take up less space than the other person can have more? And am i willing to silence myself? Am I willing to take my place at the table? And, am I willing to silence myself so that someone else be comfortable silencing themselves? Oh wow...I want to silence myself right now, nothing else is coming up, and I know that this is huge for me...Marie, the pathway home is only through the body not the intelligent...i love you!!!!