What Lights Me Up!!!!

I am surprising myself right now... yesterday was an experience I haven't had for many years!!!

My son left on the bus in the morning for him to carry on with his new adventures (man, things are still moving for me there - what was different this time, was when we said our farewells I was able to express what was going on inside of me - instead of holding back, locking down, feeling like there was no reason to go on, as I had, particularly in this past year, I was able to let him know that even though I am appreciating/aware of the importance of him moving on with his life, for me "I" am missing him - pure and simple - I miss him!
Life is so much "healthier" now because he was able to express what was moving inside of him - before he also would hold back, lock down and maybe because there never was a platform for him to stand on - this time it also gave him the opportunity to tell his dad that he is going to "miss you guys" - he has never expressed that before - funny how deep the assumptions go that we carry, before I was spending all my energy not to "show my feelings" because "he'll know that I'm upset" Blarney!!!!! Oh, I am so thankful that I move through my world differently now. And from there life went on - pure and simple - no yucky feelings all day long, no old patterns of "poor me", no manipulation, blaa blaa blaa. AND Yes, I do miss Gareth and I will be fine!
Chris drove Gareth to the bus depot and it gave me time to stay present to myself of what was moving inside me at home - I now know, that isn't Gareth's stuff, Chris's stuff, (what is moving inside them is their "stuff") and yes "my stuff" is for me to metabolize for me, and I don't have to be "dramatic" about everything anymore- what I have learned lately is that I am very comfortable and do like "intensity" in my life - I do like the rhythm of my life to be "loud and calm" "lots of surprises" "lots of wonderment""lots of potential and possibilities" that is what lights me up!!!....what is moving into my awareness is an analogy of an onion - the more I peel back the more I get closer to "who I am" authentically - the possible, emerging Self....
Then we walked with our dog, Rugby, and from there decided to go check out cars...I don't know how to describe this other than - I listened to "Self" - it was just like being at the "Circus Fair" when I was a child - my body said here, no there, oh, that looks fun, hmm not that ride, let's run to that one way over there.....we looked for cars and the dealerships were gated off so we decided to go to different geographical areas to see homes - the long and short of it all is that we had fun looking at different areas and then we were driving down along the Ottawa River and 'bingo'!!! - I said to Chris - turn into that new development...well, it just felt like my body had already been there - we went into the model home and for the first time in my life I could of bought on the spot and there was nothing available to buy until next January - oh, no...!!!! We all know that usually it is the other way round LOL!!!! I don't know what this means and I know that this is lighting me up -(my husband as well )- my life is getting more meaningful and I can't wait for the next moment to arrive!!! Love and laughter!!!!