Something has come into my awareness, in particular, two words, that, maybe I am not using them the way I intend them to, to make meaning for myself....
I often find correcting myself, "no I don't need anything.."
Okay, this was even a lesson plan I would do when I taught...the two words are, "want" and "need"... maybe I have attached these words to my intelligent...?
Before I go on, I know that even though I believe I have them clear in my intelligent, I might surprise myself that I have them anchored to many or some events/situations throughout my life, that are still in the cells of my body that I have locked down...no longer serving me, yet still when I verbalize, say them out loud, and experience conflict, with"need". Funny how, it doesn't end up being the truth of what I believe for myself..right away my body knows that something is not the same as how my words are coming out...and I will pay attention to my body - is this my fire going inward? Do I say this without listening to how my body is? Is this a "culturally conditioned" response that I have a belief in me, that someone will support me?
From the Concise Oxford Dictionary, Seventh Edition, the following two definitions are:
WANT: 1.lack, absence, deficiency, of (ship rotting for want of paint; took this for want of anything better; shows great want of thought, care, sense, judgement) 2. need of, need of sustenance, poverty, (is in want of money, a gardener; living in great want) 3. desire for thing held necessity to life or happiness's or success or completion, thing so desired, (a man of fews wants; meets a long-felt want; can supply your wants
NEED: 1. v.t. stand in need of, require. 2. be under necessity or obligation to or to do (it needs to be done with care; need you ask?; (ellipt.) don't be away longer than you need): (in 3 sing, pres, neg. or interrog. need without to: he need not trouble himself; need she have come at all?. colloq.) it needn't, or doesn't need to be finished;~not have done, did not need to do) 3. v.i. (arch) be necessary; it~s not, it is needless; more than~s, than is necessary.
I don't know where my blogging is going with this...the two definitions are not resonating with me...
I am playing, "want" - the absent of the present? I am liking the definition of the ship rotting for want of paint....
hmm, this is starting to make sense to me....what do I "WANT" to do that will help my "business" grow - "ship rotting for want of paint"
I am in the body right now, what do I want, that maybe I am not paying attention to, that will move my business forward...
I am very aware that I listen to my impulse, moment to moment, and engage - lots is happening there...
AND i know there are a few things that I want to do, not need to do, that will make a difference to me...
So I will talk about "need" - WOW what is coming up is that the word "NEED" may completely be dissolved and never be used - I certainly know that I don't "need" anything....
Do I need to couple these two words together? Are they polar opposites for me? I am going to listen to myself and pay attention to my situation I am in at that moment, or just simply why I am choosing to use "need" and if I continue to use the word, "want".
This blog feels like there is no connection, and I do know that by paying attention to what is coming up now, there may be something just behind, that brings more meaning/clarity to me....
I am very clear of who I am, so this type of playing does not confuse me anymore...as it has done in the past...this is sparking my curiosity because I still correct myself when I hear myself say, "need"...
One question I will ask again using the word, "need" , "is this a 'Culturally Conditioned' response I believed, that I will be supported throughout my adult life?
This is not good or bad, right or wrong, but very useful for me right now because maybe this is coming into my awareness now - AND I NO THAT I AM FINE ON MY OWN - no, I am very happy with whom I with, yet know that stepping up to the plate for MYSELF will enrich MY OWN LIFE first!!!
Lots of confusion writing this blogg and very certain that I am grounded...there is no more drama - and yes I am experiencing INTENSITY!!! My fire is burning with glowing intensity...
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1 comment:
Aloha, Marie!
There was a time when it was not ok for us to want (particularly women) with 'want' as an expression of a desire for something just because we had the desire for it! (Imagine! Wanting something just because you wanted it.... without explaining to others why you needed/deserved/had earned/worked for... something).
You can imagine that the things we 'want' would have to become 'needs' in order for us to be deserving of something.
We all have desires. To have to turn our 'desires/wants' into needs can make us sick, crazy and feeling that we have to justify ourselves to everyone OR become obviously sick so as not to have to.
Si?
You're in my thoughts.
Aloha and a hug,
Louise
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