Authoritative Figure?

Authoritative Figure?
Well, here I am ready to explode and don't know what I am pressing up against. Life has been unfolding exactly how I have intented it to - hmm...it is good, Marie is it great, hmm....i am going to keep writing to see where this goes...i am a bit pissed off - hmm no, i should say down right angry that the doctor has told me to go on cholesterol pills (I don't even know how to spell that damn word!). How many times in my life have I been told what to do, and I do it and it is not who I really am or what I need. The doctor (authoritative figure) was very logical with his reasoning yet he said my range for cholestral is good - somehow my mind has learned to go into chaos and i seem to zoom right out of my body and look outside myself. Where I did try to stay present is that I asked him if I do go on these pills when do I come off them? - well, you know the answer....BULLSHIT i say - i am not going on the pills... these last couple of months somehow made sense to me to be able to be in converstion with a doctor to first go off insulin and now my focus is to go off the pills - my body has injested insulin for the past two years so I believe that i should allow my body to wean off the medication...hmmthe next question that i want to ask myself is how has diabetes serve me? It is going to be a question that is now more out in my consious awareness..it has allowed me to not do the things I don't want to do such as teach in the schools - i wonder, if it was pressing so up against me that I always wanted to come back to Ontario and finally I had no other choice then to tell myself the truth. I so love being near my family...oh boy, it is the waves that will bring me closer to my own truth. i must say i love the maritimes and in time, that too is home but somehow right now i am starting to be aware of earth energy - slow, stable, solid...here in Ottawa. I am mindful right now on how interesting it is on how I want to go...I am going to go for a walk right now as I love Ottawa and all it's green areas - talk soon,love and laughter,MariePS (the name that I loved growning up was one that I got to choose for myself during confirmation - it is "Louise") Funny how at that time there was no saint "Louise" as we were told to pick a name of a Saint - is there any coincidence to my thinking? LOL

Magnificient Marie
Hi!I am so proud of myself to create a blog....funny how just a few months ago I would of never even considered to allow myself to do this..hmm is that cultural conditioned stuff?Well, I am now up and running and quite excited...last night my husband and I spent time in the emergency. Wow, how my world view has changed and what I pay attention to now is so different then before...maybe before, I wasn't even awake and went through a 'coma' state and not even aware of what was happening on my holodeck.....hmm....I don't believe I have much to say today other than this is meaningful for me to start blogging...Love and laughter, Marie