Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Thinking about "New Year's Resoultions" Differently

Here it is December 30th, 2008. I know that I stand in such a strong safe place for and within myself and there is more potential for me to touch in 2009! How exciting for me!!!

This past month has been nothing short of amazing for me. Through all the weather that we have been experiencing I moved from our rented home to our new home, effortlessly. Five days of moving all our little stuff and then on the fifth day we had movers move our big stuff. Yes we were experiencing extremely cold temperatures, ice condition storms, snow, rain; not to mention a bus strike that has been going on for the past 21 days - with that, apparently 20 % more cars are on the road. It made no difference to me that that was going on. And I must say, I was unstoppable, everything was just fine because I said so. Actually to let you know the truth, metaphorically, it was a time of letting go as well as, being excited about my new life - the new life I am choosing and choose to have!!!

Also, my husband and I drove down to the Niagara Peninsula to spend time with my side of the family and to pick up our son. During that time the weather was either slushy conditions or rain and gusty winds. We were just fine. Actually our drive back on the 26th was clear sailing and we got back to Ottawa in record time for us.

I don't say anymore that "I survived" and now have changed my thinking to "my word is law in my world" - meaning, that with intention, I know that I am safe, because I say so.

Tonight I am sitting in my new home. My husband and son are out and I am "claiming" and "owning" what I have created for myself. Wow, recently a new car that has given me unbelievable mobility to my life. A new home where I have a sense of being home.

Actually for the first time, of any homes I have lived in...in this home, every window in my home has a view of nature and awe. This afternoon reading a book on my bed I looked out the window and to my delight saw a hawk or eagle fly high over the tops of the trees. Tonight looking out my living room window I saw the moon in all its glory.

I almost can't stay put as I am so excited to venture on with what is meaningful to me. I don't have to think of any "resolutions" at this time of year anymore, I just will "live" my truth each moment.

I had a conversation today with a brother that is close to me in age and spirit. The conversation came up about "my diabetes" and I said to him, I no longer have "diabetes". He is elated with joy and shared and knows in his own body that this is possible if we choose. What a wonderful place for him to stand right now, even though he doesn't understand how that is possible for me. What he does understand is that we had a sister that died of cancer and for me to be "free" of my "disease" that means the world to him.

I talked about the "different" ways I am choosing to move through my world. For example, I don't struggle with thinking about exercising anymore. Walking my dog daily for an hour has become something that brings lots of joy to me. In fact, I talked about this is a "priority" to me and I do this no matter what goes on in my day. If that means I do it at 6 o'clock in the morning or 8 o'clock at night and usually the best time for me is during the day, I enjoy the time. And this is MY time!!! Very different then feeling obliged to exercise.

This is the first Christmas that I didn't experience "depression". Wow, how can that be ever since I was a teenager I was always depressed at this time of year.

During the time I was on "insulin" I became interested in food that would benefit and nourish my body and most importantly, the food had to be something I enjoy eating. Totally different then counting calories. I don't worry about "extra" calories in a recipe. And no that if I am satisfied eating whatever, then no extra pounds will go on. Pure and simple thinking. I don't even have the thinking anymore of "denial" - if I feel like it, a coke once in awhile, chocolate bars or whatever I fancy, I eat or drink with no attachment of "guilt". In fact, I was telling my brother that if I choose to go and have a sweet at a coffee shop there are no more guilt feelings in the morning. I have freed myself from that thinking.

Now, what I do pay attention to is when I am thirsty or hungry, I ask myself much different questions.

If you would like to experience a "different" way of thinking about "diets", "weight" or "health" and are exhausted of doing the insanity thing - doing the same things over and over again, and expecting different results. And in the next few days those New Year's Resolutions are expressed only to make you feel like a failure in the next couple of weeks...Don't hesitate to contact me at trust-your-self@rogers.com

Trust yourself

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Lots tp look forward to in 2009 and how I am shaping the world!!! Trust yourself...

It is early morning, and the last time that I am in this home, as the movers are moving our big "stuff" this morning to our new home. As I was writing the charge with the word "time" is making sense to me. Don't know why, and I now that it has a "truth" for me.

I'm excited about the potential of my new path. There is a sense, when I am quietly by myself working in the new home, that something new is emerging. I don't know what it is, or how it will expand, yet know that as I am living each moment, the next is just as exciting...

I just sit here in awe!!!

What is going through my mind is, I am living a meaningful life from a life that became so punning not too long ago...then the potential of other women that are up for this kind of transformation is so grand and believable...because I know that it is possible to live differently without the anks I use to have that "waited me down"; other women can too have more in their own lives.

I think about the stage I am at with the move from one house to our new home. My brother in law phoned the other night and he joked about...ah winter storm, bus strike, Christmas, could all be "stress" factors yet he said, "you guys are up for it"...

funny how, in all the confusion of what is happening outside of me, I am calm. In fact I am not even aware concerned about the external stuff...Driving in the snow storm, back and forth to the houses, I am completely calm and enjoying the space, music and the beginnings of something new and potent...

I am going to head back to bed with one more thing I want to share...

My husband and I were taking a break at our new home...we were in the front foyer and I decided to put on a Wax Jacket that I bought years ago in England and could never wear. Well, imagine my delight when I zippered up the coat. This is a amazing metaphor for me...

Lots to look forward to in 2009 of how I am shaping the world!!!

trust yourself

Friday, December 12, 2008

An Intention - My Word is Law in my Universe

I am declaring that the Movers are coming to move us on the 19th of December, 2008. And we have the next two day, the 20th and 21st, December, 2008 to move out of this rented house and move into our new home, effortlessly. Just to make the intention clear and direct. No more "goals" and Yahoo "intentions"!!!

I Know My WORD is LAW in my world!!!

I know my WORD is LAW in my world. A notion that was presented to me during Sheila Winter-Wallace's last "Decloaking and Living Authentically" program. A program that has propelled me further into who I am capable of being and who I am choosing to be "Authentically" beyond culturally conditioned notions of who I thought I was. I am so excited about the potential I see for myself that this is my next focus and that means, I am stepping up to my own life and announcing that I will be engaging in my own programs of "Decloaking and Living Authentically". Stay tune for when they will be running in the program room at the WEL-Systems Institute in Kanata, Ontario. They will be offered shortly in the new year of 2009!

For myself, I want to sit right here and let myself know of how my "WORD is LAW in my world". As I know, there is never content in content. WOW, I am only talking about the other night and this is how fast I have manifested this incredible meaning and joy for me - then that vibrates out into my world. I had written out an intention during Sheila's program a couple of weeks ago. At that time, things seemed impossible for me to sit around my brother's dinner room table Christmas day with my husband, son and extended family enjoying a meaningful, fun and joyous time together.

Since I have manifested a good reliable car in November to drive, that brought on something different for me. That brought expansion in my world, a sense of wanting/desiring to be with my side of my family for Christmas dinner. What my "problem" or "huddle" was to kennel our dog for the Christmas period. Those times are booked well in advance and the kennel said to me that bookings are usually done by Thanksgiving for Christmas.

So I put out this "huge" intention and wrote it down, read it to a few people that I share huge meaning and joy of life with them.

Fast forward...The other day I was thinking to myself that since I hadn't heard from the kennel, and I did try other kennels in the Ottawa area, that I would stay here in Ottawa. My husband would then drive down to the Niagara Peninsula to pick up my son and then for them to drive back before Christmas. My son wants to work as many hours at the grocery store he is working at to make some much needed money for himself.

I must add, my sister-in-law suggested that she would look for a kennel in the Hamilton area. I replied back, and at the first of the email I said. "great suggestion" and by the time I was finished writing I said, "no". (My word is law in my world)

Well, that night I got a phone call from the owner of the Kennel. He said he had space in the kennel for Rugby. I proclaimed to him that this was an amazing gift for me to receive and that it allows me to be with my family for Christmas day dinner. Now, I do want to let you know that I am experiencing this time of the year differently. The last two years I have chosen to "just be away" because I no longer could do the same old habitual beat me up, feel depressed, take a deep breathe the 1st of December and the next breathe on Jan 2nd...I am totally re creating my own experience, a whole new way, on how i want/desire to CELEBRATE, for it to be meaningful to me! How cool is that?

Two years ago it was useful for me to completely disengage with my family. I no longer could even entertain that pattern. I choice to create a new reality. How do I make it meaningful, joyous, fun for me. I am so looking forward to the "meaningful" time with whoever shows up on the 25th of December, 2008!!!

Okay, now I have this move and many things to do before it all happens, to spend time where I want to. You know what, it was like dominoes, ever thing else unfolded quickly and exactly how I intended it to. My builder has us moving in on the 18th of December and this move will be effortless, the lawyer is ready for us on the 18th and that is effortless, the movers will be coming in at 8:30 to move our big stuff and that is effortless, we will have those next two days to move our small stuff and china and that is effortless and meaningful to say goodbye to our neighbours. The house inspection of this rented home is on Monday, 22, morning at 10:00, effortless. Rugby will be in the kennel from the 18th to the 27th. Yahoo, he gets to "play" with his "friends" during "playtime" - a place that he "good tired" himself out. Our drive down on the 23rd on December, 2008, to the Niagara Peninsula is glorious sunny day with no snow or freezing rain and is a safe trip for my husband and I. In the Niagara Peninsula, my husband, son and myself will see people that we find meaning for ourselves and each of us will experience so much fun and joy for ourselves.
The drive back on the 26th of December 2008 is a glorious sunny day with no snow or freezing rain. A trip that we will all enjoy safely. (My word is law in my world)

Last night I went to Cotton Ginny's to buy some much needed pants. I have lost 5 lbs in the last two days. How did that happen? LOL What was amazing to me and almost unbelievable to me, is how I allowed and gave permission to myself for a sales person to help me find my "right" size in pants You know sometimes my mind can tell me one thing, and my body intelligence always tells me the truth. So, the long and short of what happened last night was nothing short of a miracle. I am now wearing size 15 jeans!!!! This summer I bought size 18...
Funny how, if that women did not help me find the right size of pants for me, I would of walked out of that store, which I had this fall and been "stuck" wearing my same 'Baggey" jeans.
I do stand tall on my own, yet, I don't have to do this alone!!!

So I am going to get ready as I am heading for a pedicure this morning. Yahoo, I am wearing size 15 jeans!!

Trust yourself ...keep breathing on the exhale

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Do I Give MySElf Permission to "CELEBRATE" for mySElf?

Yesterday I had an experience that indicated to me that I no longer can "hold back" what I will share with my world. I have way too much to share that has made a difference to my own life ...I had a conversation with a man that tends to be "sure" of himself yet as we proceeded his "assertive" tone in his voice became more "calm", "quiet", and listening to every word that I had to say. I was just talking and he was opening to new thought. The new thought was welcoming to him and he no longer wants to "do" what well meaning people offer him...you know, doing that insanity thing...to do the same things over and over again, and expecting different results.

It was a telephone conversation, and it was powerful to me. Powerful because I don't have to do anything yet talk and "be" the "real" me. He was so ready to hear something different because what he has endlessly try ed to do to change his life, isn't working. He is actually finding himself climbing that mountain harder and faster. I don't believe that he is the only one out there experiencing this. I believe many are out there and just don't know how to move in their world differently. I believe I have that to offer - a different way that is welcoming!!!

Sometimes I wonder if we "claim" the small things of our everyday life...what I mean by this is do I "claim" a celebration of achievement. Oh yes, I am quick to "celebrate" someone else's achievement, and do I become aware for myself to "celebrate" for myself?

The other morning I was wrapping my mother-in-law's Christmas gift. I really had a hard time with taping, having the gift box wrapped attractively with the Christmas paper, thinking to myself...when the gift is being opened does it "look" like it was meaningful to give and not wrapped just to wrap...right now my eyes are becoming irritated...

I must say that I am wondering, and this is only another layer presenting itself to me...how much do I "celebrate" for myself. This is not about judgment...nor is it positioned as good, bad, right or wrong...I wonder in the moment...right in the here and now, do I give myself permission to celebrate for mySelf?

Do I celebrate for mySelf? Now the questions I am going to be curious for mySelf over the next couple of weeks are.. what choices do I make for mySelf that take me away from my own celebration or towards a celebration for mySelf? Do I keep the dreams I have in my head and never act on them? Do I dare what I believe is "outrageous" and share with other people my hopes and dreams of what I want to do, do? Do I dare be bold and do it JUST FOR ME and invite who I want to invite and know it will be wonderful for me, and whoever comes, comes? What choices will I make that will expand my world or choices that I will make that will keep me in that "insanity" spiral? How important is it for me to "celebrate" what I want/need/desire to celebrate? In other words, do I step up and declare what I want/desire to celebrate for mySElf? Do I allow outside stuff to stop me from "celebrating" and owning what is important to me? My birthday is two days after Christmas. What I am aware of right now is how my mother noticed this to be something she needed to honor - and in my teens I always "celebrated" my bd on the half year. Somehow I "painfully" and something I choose that I made/make, and avoid anything that my husband and son do for me to "celebrate" my birthday. Wow, that is the truth, and something that is hard for me to admit. I am getting better of "receiving" from them yet it is something I am "challenged" of giving myself permission to "celebrate" for mySElf.

I have a lot to celebrate for mySelf. I have just received my CODE Model certification that has incredible meaning for me. How many people do I "celebrate" this with (lavish in the joy) and how many times to I just keep this to mySElf. So what is coming up for me is "am I claiming that this is an amazing journey that I have taken, and do I "own" it?
I just bought a new car. Am I "claiming" or "owning" this at a much higher level. This is expanding my world to move "freely" and with more "mobility"...am I speaking up and out...funny how, anytime someone has something that is exciting to share, it is always exciting for me, for them to share...hmm, I am curious why I don't "just take" a moment of sharing?

My new house is ready next week on the 18th...it is exciting for me...how much have I "just take" and share with people how meaningful and exciting it is for me!!!!

Lots of "new" is happening in my life right now...it is "YaHoo" to me and do I dare to share my excitment? and do I dare to "celebrate" for mySelf and with other's that I choice to share with? Which choice/s to "just take" and "Claim" this excitment for mySElf and to share with other's of my choice, to 'celebrate' what is important/meningful to me? .. hmm, do I stay stuck and not "Claim" this celebration/s for mySelf?

Breathing, and just paying attention to my breathe right now is good...

Trust yourSelf...

Friday, December 5, 2008

Wow More Awareness...even how "outrageous" my thinking seemed, I stayed with the intensity of my body response..

This week has been "interesting". Oh yeah huge "chaos" in my world, and that is fine, and this week, I have been choosing each moment a wee bit different again. I could choose to "agree to disagree" and "control" my environment which typically meant for me to "lock down" what needed to be metabolized (just as you metabolize an apple, so too, we metabolize this information moving/or choose stopping the movement, or choose to go into the moment to see what "intelligence" there is for me to discover more of mySelf...

Oh man this is too funny for me...I always believed that when I was "right", I was "right" and that was "it". And nor am I saying to go mushy and collapse on myself/yourself. I am saying that I don't have to even live in the world of being "right" or "wrong" or "good" or "bad" anymore. I just live in this moment. I just pay attention to, is my body giving me an indication/signal/response that wants to process information or is "nothing" moving (I believe each moment information is in flow and we do choose to resist) and in the "nothingness" those are times I am "calm", "connected to Self", "just loving who I am". And too, the times of chaos, or revved up moments are meaningful to me as well, because that is when I have experienced transformation at quantum leaps. Those too, as I am writing are times I am connected to Self. These days, not judging my "imperfections" or chaining myself to the "idiosyncrasies" I have. Knowing that that is part of me too. Sometimes when I move away from an experience of "outrageous" or what I conceive or even am labelling "outrageous" it brings me into a new understanding of myself.

Two weeks ago I had a huge response in the body and my intelligent was saying, "how outrageous". I didn't know what it was all about yet I stayed with my body response. I even said to my husband that my behavior was outrageous to me, what was coming out of my mouth saying it to another person. As time past, it was meaningful for me to know that "even though it was outrageous what I was saying" I was not giving myself away, nor being loyal in spite of myself, yet staying with the truth in my own body - even though I didn't know what that was at the time...if I succumb to the offer, and it was a "being a nice girl" because they wanted to "save" for themselves. I wasn't gaining anything other then "chaos" and "I must be out of this rented home by this date"...what it would of meant is for me to live on some one's else schedule - as we move out of this rented house into our new house. WOW! That is truly profound for me. To not ebb and flow to my own matters yet to chop off one more part of me to accommodate someone else's wishes/desires.

And this is the hardest part for me to admit. My husband and I had many conversations that we need "space" to go to the lawyer's one day, to have the mover's come to move the big pieces of furniture another day, and for us to move the smaller stuff on 'slow time'. And why did I ever even create the opportunity for someone else to believe that they can come into my "space" for their benefit. Man, we have so much to do for our own move and accomodating someone else's wants.

My body is screaming right now...STOP! For me to stop allowing other's to take away what I just want to take for myself!!!!

I don't know if I am making any sense right now, and know that that last sentence is making sooo much sense to me in my body...

I do believe that being "nice" is far more wired into my body from culturally conditioning then I ever believe it was. And "it" even though how outrageous it seemed for me to behave like that, I was choosing for "it" to not run that same 'strategy" or "program" another time. No more, that strange is DONE.

Don't get me wrong, I am a very nice person, that is not what I am talking about. What I am talking about is being "nice" inspite of myself, being okay with "overextending of myself" because I am "nice"...being "nice" to accommodate someone else's schedule...

Wow, I am unsettled right now...and I am going to let this one "rumble" around in me, and see where it goes...

I am hearing echos of, "get your own buffet, and stop feeding off of mine!!!"

trust-your-self

Saturday, November 29, 2008

My Life is Amazing and NO MORE "Deflecting" what is meaningful to me!!!

DEFLECT..."Turn aside from straight course; (cause to) deviate (from)... (Oxford dictionary)

Wow, a strategy that I have been using all my life and not realizing that it was "me" that was always doing "it". Jeesh! I have arrived in the full magnificent of who I am and becoming and still giving little bits and parts of me away!!

I know that I am more this body I live in, and have always known that I am "HUGE" in this world. No, not about physical appearance yet more about the "intensity" and the ebb and flow that I enjoy "being" in my world. Huge laughter, quiet moments, enjoying time with other's that I feel great around because they are who they authentically are and becoming, and that allows me to expand deeper into who I am and becoming. These days, right now, I am able to find 'meaningful' experiences with people I love and no longer find time with them only out of "obligation" which I did most of my life. Yeah some people have "disappeared" and other's have come in clearer in my life. I am excited about the many new people that are and appearing on my holodeck. My life is amazing and NO MORE "Deflecting" what is meaningful to me!!!

This is another layer and it was so "invisible" to me almost like it was so "calm" in my body and able to live in my body that always had a pattern that was so "accessible" "automatic button" "so hard wired into the deep structure of my language, permeates in the tissue of each cell of my body... Which choices were I making and make to "deflect" something that was/is so meaningful to me?...oh, so in my body of knowing that yes, being excited and allowing more of this new moment to breathe into...and in that nanosecond I would "deflect" ---not knowing that I was giving away a part of me or even "deflecting"... Not even realizing that in that moment that I was choosing not to expand my life.

Now man, oh man, I am so up for living more and fuller, and my life is "new" to the direction that I want...yet, this "deflecting" is the more that allows me to not have as "HUGE" of potential as I am so up for.

Do I go into my past and make up many stories of why I "deflect"?

NO!!!

I stand right here and just relax into who I am and becoming ---this is information for me to metabolize - either I choose to metabolize or choice not to metabolize...

I just sit here at the computer with "amazement" that I have the choice in each moment to "deflect" or not "deflect"... wonderful that I have allowed myself to even get to the point that I notice now that I "deflect" or not "deflect". This "Deflection" is not good, bad, right or wrong yet when is it useful for me? Do I choose for mySelf first or do I choose to "nurture" everyone else?

Now, I believe "deflection" does work for me when I know I don't want something in my life - very effective...yet, it is in those moments that "I want" "I desire" my life to expand and out comes this strategy..I "deflect" ...and I not knowing what I had just done, or even realizing I had just done something that moves me away from the very thing I can have and is presenting strongly to me...I wonder why my life is not "expanding"...

I have been sneezing right now, this too is a sign of movement in flow...

"DEFLECTING" when am I willing, and when am I not willing to use this strategy? This is what I am going to be curious about and pay attention to for mySelf...

Trust-your-self

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Releasing of the Shackles!!! NO MORE....you fill in the blanks.

Today was a great day. I was among the gathering of "WOI" with Louise LeBrun. I don't know where to begin and know that it was HUGELY meaningful to me.

Tonight, I realized that I no longer have "pressure" behind my left eye. I have been experiencing this since the summer. Actually I blog during the summer about it. Today I witness the most incredible "declaration of emancipation" and may I add, have experienced this in my own life when I declared no more "diabetes".

And for me, not to forget the mind games I can play of coming close to wanting "freedom" or certainly knowing that "needing" freedom...movement never lies in the intellect

today this was a very direct and clear "Declaration of Emancipation" - it is done, and this is where I drawn the line in the sand.

I don't know if I actually heard someone say in the room, or in my own mind, that I could hear the "Releasing of the Shackles"!!!

From there I felt this intensity in my body, that truly is never welcomed, and man, it can out!!! Oh I am in a huge bellie laugh right now. Who made up the rules that if you are outrageous that needs to be "tamed"...oh man, that was too much fun today...who said that "life" has to be hard, push that river, do it faster, you'll never measure up to that...today I believe I stand in a different place looking at the Declaration of Evolution by Intention (TM) ; This is fun, exciting and adventurous: I don't have to do serious things, seriously. A suggestion, if this is sparking your attention, to read, Fully Alive Awakening Health, Humor, Compassion and Truth written by Louise LeBrun. www.WEL-Systems.com

Imagine, all I was doing was BEING me, huge movement/energy/flow occured...i need to say this for myself, all because I was "being" me, and tonight I have no more pressure behind my left eye. Go figure!!!

I am grateful for everyone who was in the program room today.

trust yourself - I am looking for some "playmates" that are up for huge fun and joy!!! LOL

Saturday, November 22, 2008

"New" Growth

The other day my hair dresser commented on how much "new growth" hair I have. He moved my hair around and it is amazing to me that most of my new growth is around the top and right across the top of my hair line, right in front for me to see. So in my "NEW" world, that to me is about being connected to "other's", "Self" and "Who Else"?

Right now, I am very aware for myself that I am "doing" a lot in my life that requires for me to stay connected at the physical level. My husband started a "new" job this week. I stay present to what is moving in me, with the change that is happening in our home. We just bought a brand "new" 2009 Honda civic. When I was driving the other day, I was putting something in the truck and when I close the truck I stepped back because for me, it read, "BEWS...059" How I read that for myself is, "BE Wise and then, my date of year when I was born". Don't know what that means to me, and I have a knowing in my body that resonates...

I wonder if that is about "who I am" in the world?

Our "new" house will be ready to move in around the 18th of December. At the physical level it is important to me and my husband to pay attention to many things about the house. Lots is "new" and funnily enough, "the end and beginning of something wonderful with our relationship/and to "money"... we are going to be in control of our own "flow of money" through the mortgage we have chosen.

I don't want to be here in front of this computer for much longer. I have an urgency to "move"...

This point in my life, I feel a sense of "freedom" - freedom from choices that I have made, and not someone else making those choices for me...isn't that the way most of us want it, and want other's to do?

This journey has not always been easy, and I know I am onto "new growth"...

To contact me, email at trust-your-self@rogers.com or leave a comment, if you choose...

I hear Louise LeBrun say, "just breathe"...lol

Sunday, November 16, 2008

There is "Abundance" for all of us...what matters to me is how much am I willing to "take"?

I am driving a brand new. 2009, RED, Honda Civic!!!!

What I noticed yesterday driving from the east side of Ottawa to the west. Is how I am moving in new "SPACE". What does that mean, finding a "new" way to move through my life. No, the way before up to this point was not good, bad, right or wrong...what this means for me is that I have so much "freedom" in a new car. There are no limits too worrying about if I will make my destination or recently as our only vehicle was breaking down on us, how safe was I feeling to go out my driveway?

I am "free" to go where ever I want to go, and know that everything is okay on my journey.

Wow, what a metaphor for how I am living my life, right now, in this moment..."I am 'free' to go where ever I want to go, and know that everything is okay on my journey".

Yesterday was also a first for me. I asked for "space" that was offered to me at the WEL-Systems Institute. What I did notice as I moved through that 'new' space is how I was taking baby steps of opening the WEL-Systems door, feeling and knowing that I am stepping into "new" space for myself to grow and expand for my own evolution. Instead of, and this has been happening all my life, waiting for other's to step before me...no, for me to be 'safe' in my own body, knowing that all is fine, even in my moments of chaos... and "movement" and "flow" happen now...yes, it has always happened, and I am aware now, of how I want my life to unfold...

As I walked into the office, there was no one to greet me...it was all about me, "taking" my "Space" - something that is vibrating is that there is "abundance" for all of us...what matters to me is how much am I willing to "take"?

I walked towards the program room, and saw the sign from Megan hanging on the door --what is that all about, and it made me feel a sense of "giggle"...

I unlocked the door and felt this sense of "accomplishment" when I opened the door. I sighed and turned on the lights and knew I am in the right place for me right in this moment.

Lots is coming into my life and it is "new". New house, and last night we drove to the new construction. The house will be much smaller then our house in Halifax yet the feeling I am getting is "uplifting". Is it more about "movement" for me, I have "loved" the time I have "invested" with my dog walking; these past two years have been extemelty meaningful for me, walking the streets of Ottawa under the umbrella of the trees...At my "new" home...The view of the nature, pathways, water, and it is all across the street; I feel a sense of "calm" to be surrounded by all of this...and to be in living on a crescent that not much traffic will come into this area in the subdivision...

No longer do I want to be "alone" yet to walk beside women who also want to "take" what is meaningful to each of them...

Tomorrow my husband starts a "new'" job. The contract is for more than 5 years and he has been offered more opportunity and more money. I guess because he is on my 'Holodeck' that I have made a difference in his life...

Life is truly great for me, the next breathe I "take" only expands my life...if it makes sense to you, leave me a comment if you want to, about what was "moving' through you by reading this blog..

trust yourself

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Giving mySELF "Space"...

These past several weeks have been moving so fast that I can't believe I haven't blog for over a month. What is coming up for me is that I have been receiving huge metaphors in my life and it is all about giving myself "Space". Giving myself "Space"...

I am very aware that many things that would trigger me before are no longer there. I am coming closer to who I really am, and you no what, I am calm and joyful of re-connecting with mySELF. The SELF I knew so many years ago that I am just "great" "just fine of who I am" "I am the best person to be me". I believe, all of us know the same. Wow, huge rush of fire energy is coming to the right side of my body, in front, near my eye.

It is no coincidence that I received my new eye glasses just this week. It is the beginning of something that I truly and clearly can see, right out in front of me. No, it is not about throwing the "baby out with the bath water"; it has been all meaningful for me. Some of what I am creating is not so good for where I want to envision myself, and yes, I can choose right now, to steer my bus to the direction I want to go towards. And, the experiences I had this summer that I created for myself have shown me that I no longer need to carry that "load" inside myself anymore. I no longer will pay attention to the "collusion" that I believe, women do very well, taught from an early age, and I believe all of us, want to "free" oneSelf from that tangled web. What is coming up for me, is "it is none of my business what other's think of me". "Collusion" in my life is DONE!!!

Lately I have been aware that I have an unquenchable thirst and hunger. No, I am just fine - I think of this differently in my life. I bring this right up to the different choices I am making that will expand my life and have quantum leaps of propelling me into who I really am and becoming. How exciting is that for me?!

This February 2008 at EF:EW (a WEL-Systems intensive course, a huge quantum leap propelled me to a place that I thought would never been possible for me, to be, even in my lifetime - I truly believed that I could never be "freed" of my own stuff that I continued to play the "insanity game": doing the same things over and over again, and expecting different results.
I was being "sucked"into a funnel that was gaining more and more momentum moving faster and faster downward to a "black hole".

Right now, I am so grateful that I "quantum leaped" myself out of that funnel, with my feet secure and stable, and I feel safe in my body. Do I know where my next step will be? No, yet what I am sure about is that it will be "uplifting" for me.

Last night, I created something that has been in the long time planning (I would say that has been a "intellectual" response, and something happened last night and I believe was a "body intelligent response" - actually, over a year I have wanted a "dependable" car. Even though this is awakening me on a physical level it is bringing so much more to me. I know that my "business" will expand because I have no limits of driving now. I will just jump in the car and go now. My husband was just here at the computer and said, "let's go and visit his brother in Montreal for a day". My world is growing bigger.

This has been useful for me to blog today. How I can overtime slowly move away from the "intelligence in my body" to the "intelligence of my brain"...

I guess the thing that comes to mind for me, is that, by giving myself SPACE it allows me to listen to my own SELF. Another thing that is coming up for me, is that it doesn't have to take a lot of time to manifest what I really want for mySELF...

I am looking forward to driving in the fast lane of the 417! Man oh man, I just "giggle" with excitement when I think of myself in a new RED car!

trust yourself

Saturday, October 18, 2008

May Sound Weird yet I know I am the Godforce expressing in physical form

This is a wonderful "quiet", "still" approaching morning. I am loving the hum of the emerging day and the excitement of what the day brings. This is actually grounding me and allowing me to come back into my body. Sounds weird eh?

Yet this is true for me. I really had a week that was more about my "past ways" then about standing right here and now and washing over me, the full potential of who I am becoming.

Tears are coming right now. How does it happen?I understand fully that there is a new way to move in my world...and this week I allowed myself to buy into my past, my old stories of who I believed I was, who I was culturally conditioned to believe who I was. Funny how I am not even talking about "how I use to beat myself up".

NOOO!!! It is something different. It is about how I know that I am "Strong in my Core", "Sure of Who I AM", and that is what is not accepted in our society.

In a few collectives this week, I am looked at as, as one person said, "aggressive", "they don't want to even chat with me because there is no reason to", funny how I am not allowed to express this "fire energy" - NOOOO, I don't harm anyone, I keep that energy to myself, stay present to myself, allow it to move in my body, no more do I shut it down, and no more do I hide it and hope that I can re-visit it again. I stay present to myself, speak my truth and let the information move, my body stabilizes and I get to know more about me. This is the new way I move through my life.

OH yeah, also, people will make judgements, if when I am "crying" and one comment this week is that I am "sensitive". Hell no, not for me, this is just information moving that probably has been locked down for years. I am not "sensitive" and I moving in my world very differently. Something that comes to mind for me, "it is none of my business what others think of me".

Something that I have never been taught is that I am the Godforce expressing in physical form. Oh man, how different that is from GOD is over there watching me. There is no right or wrong, good or bad about this yet it has created a lot of "guilt" and "shame" for me. I have to ask myself, how useful is that?

This week I lost mySELF. This week I continually heard myself say, "wow, that's monkey mind". What I mean by that, is that is not what I am believing, yet, what that "collective" values and holds as truth.

Today, I am going to "relax" into Who I am Becoming. Man, that just brings a smile on my face...

Trust yourself

OH yeah, I am going to breath down to the base of my spine - I question if that was happening last week...LOL

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Feeling "obliged'' - and how am I moving past that?

I was amazed this past weekend of how I move through Thanksgiving Weekend...

I wanted and went down to the Niagara Peninsula to be with my son and also extended family. These days I live with giving myself many possibilities of choice. I no longer allow myself to have that "small" thinking that use to leave me feeling suffocated in my own existence.

I put out an email to my extended family letting them know that my husband and I are coming for the Thanksgiving Weekend. I made it clear in the email that I am not looking for someone to feel "obligated" to let us stay with them. Yet, I am looking for a new way that opens up my world and possibly theirs. In the email, I declared that I am interested in getting to know your family more, and for you to get to know my more. In the next half hour I received an email with an invitation from my sister-in-law and brother. Manifesting happens all the time, a good indication, maybe not always, yet manifesting usually happens fast for me.

No matter what is going on in their world/body I am very clear that I stay present to my own truth. I didn't have any "obliged" nor "guilt" spending time with them this weekend. So this is about me...it is clear that I can extend mySelf out, no longer need to think I need to be alone, and have a welcoming, enjoyable, meaningful time - when other people choose their truth as well.

I and many of the family enjoyed the time together. I was clear that i talked to "WHO" i wanted to talk to. Laughed with "WHO" I wanted to laugh with. Had meaningful talk with "WHO" i wanted to talk with. Very different then before, 'cause I use to be in the mind set of feeling so "obligated" to make everyone feel comfortable, make everyone fit it, tend to every one's needs, not speak my truth in fear of people not "agreeing" with what I had to say...whew!!!

Well, I must say...even I am surprised at the response from many people and okay with other's that aren't interested in how I move through my world now. Even in my family, we know that we no longer can "pretend" to do the things out of "habit" that have been going on for years, all to the sake of "tradition".

What did come up is the conversation of "Exchanging Christmas gifts" among the adults. Now, this has been going on for years. I no longer see the "usefulness" of this anymore. Has it created "chaos", or YES. Have I been able to voice my truth...YES. Does this allow other's to voice theirs? Only if they say so...

On the way home from Ottawa our "alternator" was slowly going on us. The battery light was on and the battery needle was slowly losing power. We drove into the town of Manitock and pulled into a garage. How amazing is that...we didn't panic, it was getting dark so we didn't have our lights on, and I said out loud, "we are safe". The traffic was heavy and we did think about if the alternator was to totally lose power, then our truck would stop suddenly- so that is why we decided to go off into Hunt Club - funny how we ended up going straight into Manitock. There really are no coincidences. In my world, the alternator going on the truck has given me a metaphor of how I no longer am willing to live my life with my extended family. The chips will fall where they need to fall. I no longer have to believe that I am responsible or "obliged" to keep the engine running. We had the truck back within that next working day with a new alternator...everything I and my husband did was "effortless...

I am breathing a huge sigh out...

trust yourself

Thursday, October 9, 2008

"Perfectionist" I don't have to be "perfect" at everything, anymore!

Here I am experiencing many new things that fulfill me. People are clear that they "know" a difference in me. It is not even a "see a difference in me". It is a "they know a difference in me." The comment by someone this morning is that they see "joy" in my eyes; and he commented that was not there a year ago.

What I know true for myself is that I am "joyful" to be living in my skin. That had not been the case and I can say, "all my life".

Funny how I no longer look for a outward "praise" yet an inward marvel of "wow it's great to be me" experience/journey.

What is coming up strong for me is that word, "perfectionist". Why did I have to have such a control on my life that I needed to be "perfect" at everything. What was I protecting myself from if I had to be such a "perfectionist"? What was I stopping myself from doing/being?

It is making me feel sick writing down these words.

How many opportunities did I not want for myself because I wouldn't give myself permission to not get it the first time. How many experiences have I had in my life where I beat myself up because i didn't get it the first time. How many times would I judge myself and take away from the "whole" of me - to find less of myself.

Man, why couldn't I make it a lighter load for myself. I do love to laugh?

I no longer "control" my life.

What I do know, is, that I speak and voice what is true to me each moment. I may not always like the outcome yet I am starting to "appreciate" that when I listen to mySELF, it always takes me forward to where I want to go. No, I am not talking about anything "airy fairy" but the truth of me, and who I am potentially becoming expanding into the direction of a more meaningful manifesting for mySELF. I don't know if I am clear in writing yet this is vibrating hugely in my body.

So, when I want to do something and believe it is the best possible choice, And then I am taken to another path, I just trust, even though there is a lot of confusion...i stay present to mySELF.

These days I am experiencing a lot of "itching", "redness on the skin", and "sleepless nights"...not always easy and in my new world that I move in...makes sense and this is the "fire energy" that is propelling me into my emerging future!

trust yourself

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

How is it going, now that my "Adult Child" doesn't live with me anymore...

Something that is "gone" out of my life...and I want to blog about this right now.

There is so much "fire energy" moving in me. This is not good, bad or not to be judged. It is something that I haven't allowed my self to move in this body of mine and I am experiencing lots lately. And clearly, this is all about me, for me to own, and not about anyone else, son, husband, family, no one else but for me!

I am moving away from my "adult child" from leaving in my home. And now, how wonderful for him as he is moving on in his own life, the way he chooses to do so.

He loves the magazine, "The Hockey News" and a subscription that my mother and one of my brother's give to him each year. I have been transferring the magazine subscription each move he has been making since we left Halifax two years ago.

Something has changed in me. This time when he went off to school I sent a email about the subscription to him. The email went like this, here is the 1-800 number to transfer the subscription to your new house. If you want me to phone this number for you I will, if you want to do this, then great.

That was it. I didn't mention nor prod nor re-visit if he had contacted "The Hockey News"
and it has been over a month, and no more "Hockey News" coming to my house.

This is so insightful for me. He doesn't need me as a "mother" because that relationship means that one person is mother and the other is child. He is all grown up now, an adult, willing to participate in his own journey. Sometimes, we, as parents, think we know what is best for our child. Never allowing them to listen to there own SELF.

Somehow, we also believe as parents is that they are going to "streamline" their way through this part of their life. Life is all about ebb and flow, and society judges the ones that want to ponder, get off for awhile, or choose to take a different path - yes, many times students have one or two credits to finish before they get there degree and decide to not finish. Or some decide to travel and the "family" insists that "they get something under their belt before they do this". And some decide that they want to stay at home and not move out. Each one is an individual on their own journey.

No, I believe that I am still active in my son's life and very different now. He and I need the friendship; as too my husband needs to be part of this "friendship". I know that life is very different now that my son had the choice to go to New Zealand this summer. It again, changed his life...CHOICE...what do you give yourself? Today, just allow yourself to think about the different choices that you "allow" yourself to have. And think about the choices you don't allow yourself to have. You may find yourself bumping up against something that you "habitually" do and believe it is something you are consciously choosing for you, and are you?

trust yourself
wow, a huge sigh has come out of my body....

Monday, October 6, 2008

How Many Times Do I NOT "Pamper" myself...no, just take time each day to "feel" the beauty that is in me....

Lots is moving and I'm blogging...

Today, I had a "urge" to pamper myself.

I question...when was the last time I "pampered" myself?

This is not about beating myself up, yet, more about an awareness for me to check in with me.

Well, I had a pedicure on the 18th of August. How many other possibilities have I considered and have become "lost opportunities" for me, honouring me, giving myself permission to enjoy the moment...for ME!

And the hard thing for me to write out is, maybe all because of "money" as currency. My belief in "lack of money" and not about "investing in myself" and also, out of my awareness thought and...

OH Man, I don't want to admit that last thought....

Hmm, what does pampering mean to me?

At times it is about "investing" (thanks Amy McNaughton for that notion) in myself or at times, it is about walking my dog that doesn't take any commitments other than to get my running shoes on; walking always feels great, no matter what the weather is, right from the beginning of the walk, down my street with trees that line the street as a umbrella and I continue for more than an hour. AAH that is bringing a smile to my SELF.

This morning I had a amazing walk, and I mean AMAZING - because that is one thing I do that lights me up...and too, I had this desire to "pamper" myself.

Well, I looked into my bathroom cabinet and low and behold, there was skin care to do a facial/mask. How many times do I treat myself to something as simple as this, and as meaningful to me?

You know there is this sense in me that how many times do I not "pamper" myself.....no, just take time each day to "feel" the beauty that is in me. Okay, I still have an old belief from my teenage years that I didn't need make-up because I looked "natural". Lots there to open up, and expand on thought...So, because I still have that belief going into my fifties, at times, heavens to Betsy, I don't look my best for me...it certainly does make a difference if I do skin care, foundation and color. LOL

I do have a bit of 'confusion' around this...at times, I like to do nothing with color, and why do I not feel as beautiful? And the outside world, values, because that is when people speak up about my appearance, is when I wear make-up.

I know this is an age old talk in society...what matter's to me, is why don't I feel as "beautiful" when I don't wear make-up to when I do wear make-up?

I would love this blog to be interactive. I would love to hear what is coming up in your awareness about yourself...

trust yourself

ps.. I am listening to Louise LeBrun's CD right now, Pathways to Personal Power....interesting that it is giving me a lot of awareness, and her voice is clear in my own mind, meaning I am listening actively/receiving and the CD is not just playing...just a suggestion, and go into WEL-Systems Institute storefront if this CD is sparking your attention...
www.WEL-Systems.com

Sunday, October 5, 2008

How I think about MONEY as ENERGY, and have been limiting myself and only thinking about MONEY AS CURRENCY.

This week has been life altering. I am standing in the now and my emerging future that I want and desire for myself, is right here in front of me, and is my new reality!

I had an experience the other day that was so profound to me. I am "test diving" this new way I am moving through my world.

I am changing many things in my life right now, and one of them is getting new glasses. Yes, glasses that make me more visible - more bold and that are matching who I am...a DA, ME!!! How exciting is that for me to BE ME!!!

So let me talk about the eye examination. I have had lots of "fear" around going to the optometrist - it shows because I haven't had new glasses since over four years ago. Somehow, I knew that things weren't right and that I would have to reveal to myself that something was not working in my life. What a metaphor for how I was living my life!

I walked through the "fear" this week, which I must say I have been putting off, and another "test drive" experience that I don't live in the allopathic world anymore - yet, I do stand in this new paradigm and look over to see if any information that is offered that may be useful to me - I listen and then take action. So what do I mean by this, it was useful for me to have that eye examination even though I believe that it is another layer of information for me that is right out in front of my awareness. So let's go back to the eye examination...

What I found useful is that my health of my eyes are good. Also, what I did find useful is that I have "pressure" behind my left eye that the machine picked up by the assistant who did the first part of my examination. Once the optometrist thoroughly examined my eyes, he was concerned about the "pressure" in the back of the right eye. He asked me if I had any "trauma" to my right eye. My reply, "I am from a family of twelve, so who knows?"

Then he asked if I was on any medication. And my reply was, "no". What did resonate with me later when I got home was the two years that I was on "insulin". I wonder if that has had any effect on the health of my right eye?

At the end of the examination, he talked about how usually the machine will read higher and that from his examination he doesn't have any major concerns. He does want me to come back in a year to have another examination as signs of a '''cataract" are forming. He did comment on how unusual this is to be developing at my young.

Lots of information for me...not that I need to be in "fear" yet this is something useful for me to be more aware of. Pay attention to. So, I turn my thinking into not the "allopathic" way but I new thinking of, "Hmm, where am I experiencing 'pressure' in my life". This is not good, bad, right or wrong yet very useful information for me to ponder, find space to let it rumble in me...

I want to go back, this is not BAD and that I don't need to fear this information. Actually, I am finding it great information for me because it is allowing me to think about, "where do I need to be more awake?" "Where am I experiencing 'pressure' in my life?"

I am noticing that many things are amazing in my life and that I do have this "pressure" that I need to bring into my awareness.

Ah HA - quickly the answer has come to me - "How I think about money as energy, and how I have been limiting myself and think about money as only currency".

OH Man, do the lessons ever become harder and faster for me, layer after layer of not paying attention...

do you,
trust yourself?

breathing in is important right now for me...

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Moving Different In This New Dance, Post, Empty Nester's

I can't even begin to "reason" what is happening in my life. Things are coming to an end and at every turn there is another opportunity. The gym is closing on November 1, 2008. It has given me an amazing opportunity for me to know more of who I am and for me to "test my waters" of how I am moving through my new world now. Am I sad because the gym is closing, no, because so much is coming into my life that I am safe in my body; I have this sense of "excitement" "knowing" and "potential" that I am experiencing!

This morning I met up with a women that just had a "knowing" in her own body that it was meaningful for us to meet. I am having more and more of these experiences. Am I "puffy chest" about all this...No....yet awake and safe in my body to look out into my world. Maybe this has been happening over the past year but now is different. I am "humble" and "grateful" of my journey.

Last night my husband and I went out to a local person to sing. It is not about joining a "choir" which I am not interested in doing. There is no commitment and it is amazing to me, only because when I was in the moment, singing, I know I am "free"!

I don't have much more to say, for myself, and only offering you a suggestion of... are you doing things that light YOU up?

Or, are you doing things that you are engaging in, out of "obligation". As my husband and I move into this new phase of our life; it is meaningful to do things that both of us enjoy doing. Oh man, we are "masters" and have been for years, great at doing things that each of us like, separate, away from doing them together. No problem there! Ha! Ha!

Finding what is meaningful for me, and for my husband to find what is meaningful for him - and then we come together on those interests, is like going, "gently down the stream". A year ago, I was really "pushing that river" to make things work. No more, it unfolds exactly how it is meant to...that's FUN for ME!!!

trust yourself

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

THAT'S HOW I GOT MY LIFE BACK

How does speaking your truth in a small gathering of women not end up being meaningful?

There is never content in content. That means, there is never any meaning for me, (yes, I am a person of deep compassion and love), in what clients are saying yet what matters to me is the "wave" that evokes in a person, triggers a body response, from the conversation you are having with self and others...and if you stay with "it" and not lock "it" down, "it" will free you. That's how I got my life back.

And yes, it all happened in "small gatherings of women in meaningful conversation - what matters to each one of them and me, allowing them and me to stay present to themselves and me, speaking their own truth and mine. Something else that I have experienced in these past few years is the "wave" can last even up to 36 to 48 hours. Just staying present to myself and owning "it" for my own evolution - not for someone else's, has been huge in how I live an amazing, uplifting life now...

As I am starting to have clients, I am aware that even though an experience of the "wave" happens- in my world, energy was able to move, through engaging in conversation, then you gain insight of something you never thought about before, or many other possibilities come into awareness. Imagine, I haven't even gone outside myself, and I have my own answers-continually, living moment to next moment...this is new for me, experiencing this way these past few years, and now how I move in my world.

The question I want to ask myself is, "why do we dismay/avoid that something has happened, information has been able to move...space, movement and flow, then forget that something different has happened and then turn away experiencing the same "insane" stuff we habitually do/be in our past, carrying into our future.

WHY????

Why don't we listen to our own bodies, know that we had some clarity from the movement and get on with our life in a different way, expanding our world and not paying attention to the "rhetoric" of what is outside ourselves, and the illusions of society and globally the chaos that the world wants to believe... man or man, that definition of "insanity" is about doing things over and over again, expecting different results".

At this point, "we" and I don't normally include the "we" need to stand up to our own lives because I believe that "things" are happening, quicker and faster, and there is so much fear....and I mean in our own backyard, here in Canada, not just over there in some other part of the world, that won't affect us....

Okay, what is this all about for me?

This past weekend was one of "bliss". Yes, I remember being in university and I had use the word "bliss" in a speech. The prof asked me, "what is bliss". I know now what that is in my body.
This past month unfolded not how I would of imagine it to unfold - now, that I can look at it in hindsight...

I was offered two opportunities that I know would of been potent for me in my world. I listened to my body, not my intellect and I didn't do either. This past weekend something else unfolded that had been planned since May. As a result, we didn't have our friends come celebrate with us my husband's "retirement" weekend.

My husband and I looked at each other and said, "let's go anyways". Well, I must say that it has been probably years since we took time for ourselves. Four fun-filled days with my husband! Also spent time with extended family and friends that matter to me. How amazing is that?!!!

Another thing that I find interesting is that we were in the same area as my son. We saw him shortly for his rugby game and then spent one dinner with him. I love him and I know that I can get on with my life...and he is enjoying his new life on his own.

On one evening my husband and I went to a family party and I spent time chatting with a brother that means a lot to me, also spent time with a brother that is living a meaningful life now away from alcohol - he looks 10 years younger and the happiness he exudes is nothing short of amazing.
Oh, to add, I chatted with a brother that loves to laugh - he shared a lot of knowledge about different comedians, actors, movies etc which i will be looking into. Because I love to laugh!!!

This happen all because I stood true to what was happening in my own body. No, not there, and yes, go over there. Imagine, I had an amazing time and didn't feel that yucky tired I use to feel at family parties. I am not advocating "families need to stick together" yet I am saying that when I am true to myself, my life gets more interesting.

One evening we spent time with my childhood friend. We had a wonderful meal with her mother, her mother's friend from England and my husband along with my childhood friend's husband. We laughed a lot, talked about what was meaningful to our own person and enjoyed great food!
Now, tell me, how much better can life get...I am so happy to breathe my next breathe, and yes, there is more...

trust your self

Friday, September 19, 2008

I had to opportunity to "CLAIM " and 'OWN' something inside of me, that I have always chosen to stop

Something is very different and I experienced "it" over this past week. All my life I have stopped myself at that point of "flying"and this time went right into "it" - maybe, it is about how I valued myself every time I would "hit" a "peak" in my life -instead of staying in the "joy" and "confusion" of going into "it" - I would go around "it" and give up on myself?

NO MORE!!! I went right into "it" and my life has expanded! People are telling me there is something different about me...

This week I had the opportunity to "CLAIM" and "OWN" something inside of me, that i have always chosen to stop - I always would stop at this point and have a belief that I was capable but was I worthy?

Last Friday morning I had the pleasure of being with Louise LeBrun. Man, it was fun and life altering! I had asked her if I could do a CD in conversation with her on, "Empty Nester's...and Letting Go Of Adult Children". Just a side note: Watch for the later fall release, it will be available on www.WEL-Systems.com storefront and also on my web (I will be announcing the details of my web site next week)

By doing the CD it has taken me past a place where I have never ventured before. Yes, I have been though much in my life yet never to a point where i have a knowing in my body - that I am "Healthy, Happy, Beautiful AND WORTHY in my own being for ME!"

So let me explain more...this Monday morning I went to the chiropractor. I haven't been there since May, as they say at that office, "they never have to phone me because they know that I listen to my body, and I will know when to come in". The chiropractor was in "awe" of how healthy and happy I am. I asked him to be thorough with my appointment; meaning that I wanted him to adjust my arms/hands and legs/feet. He did testing and I am strong and full of vitality.

Next appointment I had this week was to get my hair cut. What an amazing experience that was. He cut my hair, when he was finished, out of my mouth came, "this is the first time, in years, that I have felt this beautiful". I wasn't looking for outside referencing, nor "yucky" stuff that we all can create. It was pure and simple for me, and only me. "I felt beautiful!"

The third appointment I had, I broke the back crown of one of my tooth so I headed to the dentist. When I sat in the chair they was something magical for me. I can't explain it, just a "knowing". The dentist and I had a wonderful conversation (as much as I can when my mouth is being work on Ha! Ha!). A knowing in my body and the conversation we were having, out came, "when I first moved here to Ottawa I put out an intention for people to come into my life, so I could heal". He just sat back in his chair...

All these experiences this week have shown me the deep passion i have for living my life. Not just going through the motions, or choosing to be ill...it is much more than words can describe right now!

I Love waking up in the morning and being ME! That has not always been the case over my life...

trust yourself

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

There is another way to move through my world, prescription free.

I got a call - voice mail -not even from a 'real person' the other day, from the pharmacy letting me know that my prescription is now up for renewal. Wow, how can that be? I haven't taken insulin since last fall - I informed the pharmacist last fall that I was no longer taking insulin; at that time, i return all the unused insulin and supplies, and I was elated that my doctor had taken me off insulin. Funny how, the sense i got then, and I was bewildered, it seemed like it was an everyday occurrence that someone came off insulin?

There were no questions ask, no forms to fill out, and I walked away feeling a sense of "wow am I just another statistic in this big zest pool?" And, what gift I am, for them to let people know that there is another way to move though their world, without presciptions being filled.

What runs through my own mind is how "routine" and "mindless" this process is. NO, i am not judging, nor saying there is a right or wrong to this...i just sit with a "WOW".

When I went to the doctor two years ago, I was in constant contact with the doctor for the first year. From there I was given a year prescription of insulin and supplies. There is no judgement on this yet how "disconnect" i feel with this notion. How I am in a state of "wonderment". Next question that comes out of me is, "do I care about myself, and/or was it useful for me to have a year's prescription"?

Since I live in a holographic universe, I bring this back to me...was it a good thing, and did it serve me at the time to receive a year's prescription for insulin? What was going through me at that time?... and I no longer know - because that residual energy i was locking down then, is gone.

Today I returned the call, just to let them know that I am no longer needing to fill out my prescription and that they can take me off their list. I no longer have diabetes...and I sit with curiosity, the women replied to me, "I can't find you in my computer, it's bizarre".

After all, "it is all about me"!
I welcome your comments, feel free to leave them on this blog or contact me at:
trust-your-self@rogers.com

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Do I Let Myself "Cry"?

This morning I am feeling "tired". Not a lonesome, awful "tired" that I would of felt a year ago. Just a "tired" that doesn't feel like I can relax yet I want to do something that is different.

There is a bit of irritation to this feeling and I am going to stay right here...

One question that comes up from me, and something I had a conversation about, talking with another person yesterday, "do I let myself 'cry'"?

Do I let myself engage in the full potential of what wants to move through me, move? Do I stop it at any point of the process? Do I pass judgments or analyze what is moving through me? When it does move through me, and my body stabilizes, do I make excuses to my outside world so that I water-down my intensity? I don't have "drama" in my life anymore because it just didn't serve me, yet I do love "intensity" - do I let that huge energy out even though many people choose to have "puny lives including myself pre-WEL-Systems".

Do I wait until I am in a 'safe' place all by myself and then I repeat my "old habitual" ways of how I danced before pre-WEL-Systems; the "habitual voice" that use to convince me that it doesn't matter and just get on with your life, no, nice girls don't .....you can fill in the blank, and the "habitual voice" sounds on - to convince me, which spiral me into the "beat me up" attitude then I would believe I was less than...of myself...

A question came out of me yesterday that went like this, "how do we learn to "cry" if we have never been taught". Hmm, sounds pretty common sense, eh?

How in our own bodies do we feel 'safe' and know that we will be just fine, to cry? Not just a 'safe' environment but 'safe' in our own bodies? How do we even allow ourselves to "sob" and let sound out without any judgement - after all, in my new world view all it is "information" for me, to expand my world.

I am sitting here, very quiet at the keyboard, not knowing where the next "blip" will come from...the humming of the computer is soothing me - is that a familiar sound that made me feel "safe" or is that a sound that allows me to "distract" from my feeling of "tired" right now?

These past few days, I am feeling "tired"- my whole body "tired" - I am going into many exciting possibilities, and what are the things that I have to stay awake to, that are not serving me? After all, this "tired" has intelligence and alarming me to something about me.

I am asking the question for myself, "do I let myself cry?"

Trust Yourself

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Trusting Myself for My Own Anwers

I don't know where this thought is even going and somehow it is bringing a lot of curiosity up for me...

Yesterday, my husband was talking to one of his family members and what came out was, "do you think that Marie was mis-diagnosed of even having diabetes"?

Let me just sit here for a minute...i feel huge fire in my power chakra area - actually it seats higher, it is closer to my belief, value and attitude area. Yahoo, it is in the front, for me to see, and I am experiencing right now a lot of irritating itching - bursts of fire...

How many times in my life have I done something "incredible", "ordinary that became extraordinary", just following my "gut" and then turned away from my own Self. Okay, I need to be clearer on this for me, because it is ALL ABOUT ME - after all, I live in a holographic universe.

How many times in my life did I "downplay", "water things done", "not own my own huge potential and accomplishments", and many times even worse for me, "I allowed someone else to take all credit for what I have taken into action for myself", and the list goes on.

How did I lose myself at the age of 11 when I was to go onto the city to continue my swimming. After all, I was told by many that they could see me in the next Olympics.

How about when I was 40, and there were so much expectations to get into the Bachelor of Education degree program. I am going to write down the expectations because now that I think about them they are huge. There were 60 seats with 800 actual applications that fulfilled all the requirements. (Who knows how many more applied?). The grade point average for the undergraduate was high because of all the competition. Along with the many core courses that were required to have alongside of an undergraduate degree. Many hours of volunteer work - hell, that part was a given to me, because that is where I saw myself at the time, especially since I was so culturally conditioned as being a nurturer, mother, wife and MAN I Could Just SCREAM!!! Yes, the expectations were huge, and I now know, that it is more about intention then requirements. After saying that for myself, the expectations were huge to be accepted into this program. This is external referenced.

So where did I lose myself? NO, the more profound question that I will ask is, "why did/do I allow myself to pay attention to my external world, and listen to absolute "foolishness" and lessen who I am, and the potential of how huge a presence in the world I am for myself?" To own this for myself!!! I am not here to beat myself up, yet to relax into this thought and what is different for me it to no I have "choice" or "choices" now and I can change my mind without beating myself up or listening to other people's opinion.

So no, it is not about someone wondering if I even had diabetes in the first place. What I am listening to for myself, is that I allow others in the "pack thinking" to keep me from owning my own HUGE potential, aspirations, accomplishments, achievements. I believed in myself these past two years, even though at times it was chaotic. In the past six months I declared to myself that I do not have to go alone anymore. I welcome many like-minded people in my world. What is amazing to me is that I have been always that "lone dog" waited down, carrying the heavier load because I can. Not to punish me, but I just have this huge capacity - I wonder if that is why I am very capable of listening to very "tragic" situations - you know, the things most people don't want to know let along listen to from their spouses, siblings, relatives or even co-workers.... and stay present to myself.

No one will take away these past two years from me. They have been amazing, life altering, and gut wrenching at time, yes, I have stayed present to myself (that requires a lot of work) - I have a shift in thinking - and I no why "diabetes" has served me - there was huge intelligence for me to have "diabetes".

Something that is wonderful for me to see in my blogs is that "fire energy". That type of breathe is something for years I would not allow myself to go near. Not these days. I don't have to "argue" with everyone yet what is important to me is when this "fire" moves, I need to let it move, keep my mouth closed and breathe. When this moves, my life gets bigger. Imagine that?

If you are in the Ottawa area, and are looking for more compelling meaningful conversations for yourself, I am having "Conversation with Marie" on the 27th of September, 2008 from 10 am to 1 pm. The cost will be $20 and there is limited seating. Confirm by the 22 of Sept. by emailing me at trust-your-self@rogers.com

Trust yourself - I am starting to get use to this "fire" moving...I must say, it's a Yahoo!

Friday, September 5, 2008

"Empty Nester"+"Nothingness"+"Creativity...Who Would Of Ever Guessed? It really is that simple...

Life unfolds exactly as it is meant to...those words are comforting at times, along with frustration, anger, and as well, the knowing that it makes sense to me looking at hindsight...
Imagine it all can exist at the same time...

Up to this point in my life, everything has been meaningful for me to learn more about myself.

Wow, I don't know if I would of agreed with that statement when my life was falling apart not less than two years ago...
And it all makes sense now...yes, there is more to come...

I have re-claimed my health, re-defined who I am as a human being, re-shaped my life and onto a new stage in my life...
they call this stage "Empty Nester's"...

At first I felt a huge void in my life without my son - "Empty"? Not now, life is full, for me and my son...how did that happen?

I am not near a dictionary and I will expand on my own understanding of "Empty"

Well, quickly I go to "nothingness". How wonderful is that?

Isn't the place of creativity?

In these past two years, anytime I was in a course with Louise Lebrun - it seem to me that the most profound and potent times for me is when I did "nothing". The first time in my life that I was able to have space, thanks to Louise, to do "nothing". Allow yourself to do "nothing" right now...then if you are interested go into her website to see what she has to offer in the way of courses at www.WEL-Systems.com I am so glad I listen to my "gut" about taking many courses from her because my life is not only liveable now, I have an amazing life now!!!

Do nothing...lots of judgement there...Oh, man yes I am that person that wants to keep going no matter what. No matter if my body is screaming to stop. No matter if my intellect is wanting to stop the world and get off it for awhile (yes, these days I want to get back on for more) and No matter even though I am clear that it is like "eating an elephant one bite at a time". I know longer have to do "it" because someone suggested. In those times, sitting in "nothingness" seems to make a huge difference allowing me to process...ponder...and awake to something that has now come into my awareness...

"Nothingness"

all out of "nothingness" I have re-claimed my health, re-shaped my own world and onto a new stage in my life...

come join me as I welcome you to this interactive blog...I believe I don't have to do this alone anymore...

you can also contact me at my business email: trust-your-self@rogers.com

Monday, September 1, 2008

Starting to move through my life differently...and letting go of my "adult" child

I am moving through this weekend with such love for life - and when I sit in the moment of reflection thinking about these past two years, it has been life altering. Maybe it is not that this weekend I am doing anything different from other long holiday weekends...yet what is different is that my world is different, and I am so in touch with myself and the best part of it all for me is, I LOVE MY LIFE and I LOVE ME and WHO I AM BECOMING!!!...

I am away from Ottawa this weekend, on holiday around my extended family and childhood friends. In this area, my son is also getting settled in a house with 4 other guys and is excited about the potential that his life is bringing. Who knows where his life is taking off to, and I know that his time spent in New Zealand this summer was nothing short of being amazing, and has widen his lens, looking from a very different perspective. Hmm, imagine he went half way around the world...the world often refers to Australia and New Zealand as "down under".
His view was changed and his life has changed! Not bad having an upside down view! Ha!Ha!

I am loving each moment this weekend, I notice that people are hanging on, staying a little longer, wanting to chat with me, wanting to converse with me. I make sense to them and they don't know why yet are so up for their own life. It doesn't go any other way...everyone I meet are so up for their own life. They want more clarity for their own lives. They want more fulfilment in their own being. They want humour and passion of what they want in their own life. Oh yeah, we like to see other people happy but I know that it comes from within. Healing comes from within. What is the old saying, what do you get when you cut an orange...orange juice, not apple juice, orange juice. Happiness comes from within. Passion comes from within. Love of SELF comes from within...

It is not that hard to change what is not working, if we choose to not make it hard for ourselves. And you know what, that is exactly where I am. I am not willing to push that river anymore. I continue to engage and believe me, I never know the result...what I do know is that it will be expanded. I no longer have a puny life, and my life is getting more amazing each day!

This weekend I am meeting up with a childhood friend that I haven't seen for quite a while. I am looking forward to it and know that my time spent with her will be meaningful to me and her. I don't live my life any other way now. It is always meaningful for me or I choose not. I don't even think anymore about the "or I should do this" - if it is clear to me right in the body response that I want to do it or not - that is what I listen to. I am even past that stage where I knew it is the body and I warped around and let my intellect convince me of something different. Usually turning out to be what I didn't want to do. No more and how easy life has become for me.

Even settling my son back into university is very different this year. I am so clear on letting him do what he needs to do. Not getting into his space and thinking he needs to do it this way or that way. Or needs this or that. Actually, we had a conversation about the things I bought him last year...i believe it was all useful stuff and he was so clear that it wasn't any of his choices. That is how life is different - no longer does my son go quiet and withdraw and no longer do I believe in my own mind that this is the way it should go because that is what was the way it was parented to me...now, we engage in calm, revealing conversations; he speaks up and out about his truth, I get to also speak up and out about my truth, and we both stay true to our own truth/Self. And you know what, funny how beliefs, values and attitudes change - they were never meant to be static and fixed. We get to be truthful to our own self. My life is a joy to live now, I am standing tall in who I am, which allows him to stand tall in who he is. Life altering.

On Saturday all the parents of the five guys were at the house, cleaning and helping their sons move in. I had a "sickly" feeling as I observed one parent, smothering her son. Oh, how familiar that was to me. So it is not about that mother and son, what was important for me to stay with was the impulse that was moving through my body. I didn't even have to open my mouth yet I felt a real "sadness" go through my own body. Oh, it was painful for me to stay with this yet I know this was for me to expand my own world.

My son and I had a great conversation driving down to the Niagara area on Thursday night. It was about the changes in our lives since the move from the Maritimes two years ago. We are both fine now and I am clear on what I am willing to do and what I am willing not to do. I am willing not to "smother" my son anymore. Hell, I didn't even know I was doing it at that time. I am moving on to a new chapter in my life. I am still my son's parent yet we are establishing a new relationship now that he is a "adult". There are no handbooks for this, and I believe it is even different then the experiences that many have with their "adult" children before me. I look around me and see other's "smoothing" their "adult" children - this is not about being judgemental of others - this is about being curious and how to do it a different way, allowing the parent to stand tall in who they are, which allows their "adult" child to stand tall in who they are and who they are becoming. After all, our "adult" children want to fly the nest!!! And I want a fulfilling life now that I am a "Empty Nester"!

I am paying attention to my breathe that I am inhaling...it is new, nourishing every cell in my body, kind of breathe!!!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

The Huge Judgments of Myself ARE The Most Damaging!

Wow, today I saw my own edge...did I back down from it or did I go right into it?

You guessed it...i stay right with it...

This is something new to me...to honour, and own ...even though how bazaar it may seem to me, and yes, before I would have huge judgements of myself, and believe I don't know what I am talking about...then a sense of self-consciousness would come over me and the insanity would start for me, over and over again, cycle after cycle.

This time it was okay for me to have this move through my body...

Yes, this time I stayed right in the "yuck" of it all - it is not about being right or wrong in my world anymore - what the difference is, "that this is RIGHT for me to stay with whatever moves through me"...

Funny how, everything is changing in my world. No longer will our son be with us in a couple of days. Heck, he is willing to fly!

And you know what, I have done an amazing job!

There is no irony that I had cardinals living in our hedge, outside the kitchen window, this past month. They had their babies nested in the hedge. Wow, the colors that cardinals have are so brilliant and vibrant that each time their were flying from the hedge to the tree outside in the front yard, I stopped and watched...received...

Funny how I didn't pay as much attention to the babies (I knew they were just fine) yet how the parents were flying, speaking and communicating to each other.

Hmm, yes, this is interesting to me because there is a parallel to my "empty nest" and somehow I have blinked and my child has grown from a baby to a adult (give me a second on that one)...and, now it is more about how do I move in my world? - wanting a meaningful relationship with my husband and what about ME?

How does that happen when we have spent years of paying attention to not our own desires or wants... and because we thought "GOOD Parents DO THIS OR THAT" we lost our connection with each other, and worse, lost who we are.

Something else that is coming up...how many of us play out the roles that we wanted our parents to play out, and they just were not there for whatever reason. Or how many wished that their parents took more of a low key approach and let us stand on our own, making our own mistakes and triumphs that make us the person we are and becoming?

Is my relationship with my husband good? Oh, yeah but I know there are some "yuck" that will unfold in the months ahead...

This coming weekend is a time for doing something different. Yes, we are going to bring our son back to university yet it is a time for us. More importantly for Me to choose ME!
I don't have the same stress I use to put on myself. And man the judgments I would have about myself are becoming fewer and fewer. I know that I will be just fine and that whoever is wanting to see us, it will be meaningful and just right for ME!

I will remember to continue to breathe, right now it is breathing the inhale, the new breathe, as my life changes...

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